The Hardest of Hearts
by Gabrielle607
Summary: 5 years after the Battle of the Five Armies and life was good. Erebor is nearly back to it's former glory, Prince Fili is to marry Princess Sigrid, and wounds from the battle are now nothing but scars. But there was one wound that would not close for Thorin Oakenshield, and it was a burden that he was willing to bear 'till the end of his days.
1. Chapter 1

**Just so you know, if you want to understand this story better, you may read Heart of Gold first since this is a sequel to that story. However, you can read this without actually reading Heart of Gold :) And to those previous readers of Heart of Gold, thank you so much for following my beloved Helga's story! :) I hope you enjoy this chapter, albeit it being a bit short.**

* * *

It was a regular day, of you were to ask any other dwarf, man, or elf in Dale. The streets were busy and bustled with the market life, and life, as some may say, was swell.

It has been 5 years since the Battle of the Five Armies, and the singed land cultivated fields and crops once more. Dwarves soon returned to Erebor, and as a new decree of prosperity and harmony, men and elves were now allowed to reside inside the mountain. No one, even the Company, knew why their king declared such an act. Some say that it was to give way to his nephews' choice of a mate, a readheaded elf from Mirkwood for the youngest prince and a fair-haired girl from the Men of Laketown.

Some say that it was a form of gratitude to a late human member of the Company who once lost a home, and was promised one in Erebor.

But those were just the rumors that spread around the eastern part of Middle Earth, and the King Under the Mountain brushes rumors off like a lint on his doublet. And speaking of the king...

"How are things faring in Dale, Bard?" Thorin asked, as he went around the streets of Dale with it's own king beside him.

"All is well at the moment. We have lived through five years of hard won and undisturbed peace, Thorin. I can forsee that we will have much more simillar years to come," The usually grim man spoke. "Especially now that we rare soon to be kin." He said with a smirk.

"Only by marriage," Thorin grumbled, as he looked around the stalls. "And it's not me who you'd want to be related to. My sister has always been the most likeable one between us siblings. And how I wish that she was here. All this preparations for the wedding has never been my area of expertise."

"Why not let your queen do it?" Bard asked. "Your wedding was her doing and it was simple yet elegant." Bard commented, looking around the flower shop that they had stopped by. He noticed that Thorin had a sudden look of regret wash over his face and he gave a sad smile.

"Trust me, if I had the chance to change it I would." He said grimly, and he continued walking. Bard shook his head and clapped the dwarf king's back.

"Do not be grim, your majesty. The weather is good, we are alive, and there are more grim days in the far future. Dwell on the present, master dwarf!" But Thorin could not find himself to agree with his friend, for he desired to be anywhere but the present.

* * *

Once the king arrived, he went on to tend to his usual duties -he did his rounds in the mines, walked around the houses in Erebor, listened to those who wants an audience with him, and made a very quick check in the treasury. Once he was done, he went to his study where he locked himself away along with a bottle of aged Gondorian Brandy and his thousands and thousands of paper work. Somewhere during the night -he wasn't sure how long he stayed in there, a knock fell upon the wooden door of his study.

"Enter." Thorin said. He looked up and saw his eldest nephew standing there, holding him a tray of dinner.

"You missed dinner again." Fili said, setting the tray of food on whatever space was left on Thorin's desk.

"Did I?" His uncle asked, eyes never leaving the letter that he was writing.

"We need to talk, uncle." Fili said, sitting down on the chair in front of Thorin's desk.

"If you are thinking about cancelling your wedding with Princess Sigrid, then we really do need to talk. I have spent weeks trying to get your wedding together, and Princess Sigrid is more than compatible for-"

"What?! No! I love Sigrid! This is not about me, uncle -this is about you," Fili exclaimed, and Thorin stopped writing. He looked up at Fili and gave him a look that urged him to go on. "Uncle, you can't keep missing dinner, you can't keep avoiding auntie, and soon enough, you would have to produce an heir to your throne!" Fili explained.

"Fili, I do not miss out our dinners on purpose -I am not a child. And why would I need another heir? I have you to take over the throne." Thorin argued, and Fili looked at him, as if disappointed.

"I know that the anniversary for the Battle of the Five Armies is nearing, uncle, but you have to stop blaming yourself and let auntie in. As your wife, she has the right to know."

"She does not have to know, Fili. It's in the past." Thorin said, and he continued to write his letters. Fili sighed and stood up. It was pointless to argue with Thorin in such a state. As Fili left, another knock came. He looked up and saw Balin standing there, a determined loom on his eyes. Thorin couldn't resist the rolling of his eyes.

"What? Come to give me a lecture about my marriage, too?" Thorin asked, and Balin stopped in his tracks.

"Actually, I came here to tell you about the council meeting that you missed awhile ago... But now that you mentioned it-" Balin was cut off when Thorin slammed his palm on his desk, the inkpot nearly spilling.

"My marriage is my own business, and whatever is wrong between my wife and I will be solved by my wife and I." Thorin growled. However, Balin was used to Thorin's temper, and he brushed it off.

"It's been five years, Thorin. It's time to stop blaming yourself for what happened." Balin said.

"You know nothing of what I feel, Balin. No one understands how I feel." Thorin said, raising his voice, but Balin did not waver.

"Tell those who have lost something or someone from the Battle, Thorin. Tell that to the widows, the orphans, and the childless, and ask yourself again if no ome can understand your pain." Balin said. Silence fell upon them and Balin nodded, bowed, and left.

* * *

The king crept into his bedroom in the middle of the night, after he could drink and write mo more. He washed his face first in the basin on the vanity before he removed his crown, rings, and ear cuffs. He then proceeded to strip into his tunic and breeches before turning to face his bed. It was occupied by a breathing form, and as he stepped closer, he could see the golden hair of his wife. Climbing on his bed, he gently laid on his side, facing his wife's back. Tentatively, he wrapped his am around his wife's waist and pressed his lips on his wife's bare shoulders. He closed his eyes, tears falling from remembering a night in Laketown -a night where he felt young and alive with a golden-haired woman. For a moment, it was like they were back in that bed many years ago. They were in similar position as he whispered sweet nothings into her ear. He felt the body stir under his arms and turn to face him. He smiled softly as he saw Helga's face...

For a while...

The king blinked once more and instead of the face of the beautiful dragon rider, it was the face of his dwarven wife, Tamara. Instead of those warm, brown eyes looking up at him, icy blue orbs stared back at him.

"What is it, my king?" Tamara asked, placing a hand on his cheek. Overwhelmed with emotions, he just pulled his wife closer, feeling her heartbeat and letting his unshed tears fall.

How can he dwell in the present, when the past keeps haunting him every single night?


	2. Chapter 2

The next day, Thorin woke up with a start. It was nothing new to him, for it always seemed to happen every time the anniversary of the Battle was nearing. Dreams of laughter, golden hair, and dragon tattoos haunt his dreams, and it always leaves him feeling cold, despite the warm body of his wife. He cannot bring himself to look upon his wife's face, let alone continue to lay with her to produce an heir, for it reminded him too much of Helga. He knew that it was unfair for his wife, but he cannot bring himself to share it with his wife, yet. Despite it being five years since the battle, what happened five years ago was a wound that will never close.

That's what happens to people who break their promises.

Eventually, guilt will seep into their hearts like an infection to a wound. Only reconciliation will heal him now, but even that is impossible for him. Not after everything that happened. Deciding to bring out his sour mood to something else, he changed into his training clothes and went off to the training room.

When Thorin entered the training room, he found that he was not the only person letting off some steam. A lone archer stood there, aiming and pointing at a target, but failed to hit the center.

"Kili," Thorin said, and the young dwarf prince turned to see his uncle looking at him. He just glared at him and turned back to his practice. Thorin noticed how Kili's right hand wavered as he nocked the arrow in his bow and aimed at his target. In the Battle, his life was nearly taken, if not for a red-headed elf and a young man who was also a dear friend of theirs. But he didn't leave the battle unscathed, and a sword pierced his right palm, nicking nerves, veins, and arteries that weren't supposed to be nicked. Now, it was just a back to back scar, however, the damage inside was done, and Oin was afraid that his hand might never return to its full potential. "What are you doing this early?"

"Might ask you the same thing." Kili said, letting loose the arrow on his bow. It still did not hit the center.

"I couldn't sleep." Thorin said, and Kili didn't speak anymore. He only continued to nock and loose an arrow, but never hitting the center.

"How is your hand?" Thorin asked, standing beside his nephew. Rarely have they spoke, and Thorin wished that his nephew would stop being mad at him.

"You know damn well how my hand is," Kili suddenly said, looking at his uncle in the eye. "And it would have been worse, if not for Alvor." He followed, and Thorin suddenly felt his breath hitch. No one dared to utter his, his brother, or Helga's name in his presence -apparently, only Kili had the guts to do it.

"I know-"

"You know damn well how much we owe our lives to them! Amren saved Fili from that trap, Alvor saved not only me, but Tauriel, too! And do not get me started with Aunt Helga!" Kili exclaimed, and Thorin clenched his fists.

"Don't even start to-"

"Everything she did for us! She never asked for riches or anything in return! She just wanted the damned dragon gone for good! All she asked is for her body to be burnt when she dies! And you promised that you'd keep her safe, give her a home -you told her that you loved her, Throin! And now you act as if she never existed! As if you never loved her, and how she and her own nephews saved us! We should be honoring them like heroes, but you don't even bother to visit them, uncle!" Kili said, his outburst making their own fists clenched and their hearts beating with rage.

"You know nothing. You think that I did not even try to visit them! I tried to, countless of times, but I cannot bring myself to do it. They are in a better place now, Kili."

"And your promises? Would you not grant her at least that one promise?" Kili asked, and Thorin stood there, his brows furrowed from the pain that even just thinking about her brings.

"I can't." Was all Thorin had to say. Kili just threw his bow across the room and stormed off the fighting area. Enraged, Thorin brought out his sword and slashed it at the training dummy, cleaving it's head off in one swipe.

* * *

The memorial for the Battle of the Five Armies came, and both men and elves came to the city of Erebor to pay their respects to the dead. The usual hustling and bustling city life of Dale seemed to have died down, for the whole city was paying their respects along with their citizens. Meanwhile, in the royal quarters, Thorin stood in front of a mirror, lost in thought about the events five years ago. Every time he would think back on that day, he would remember how much he had failed Helga, and how she and her nephews would be here if it weren't for him. They would've had a home, and not roam around the world like nomads.

But there were some rifts that were too wide and too permanent to repair.

He felt small hands run through his shoulders, straightening the creases on his doublet. He looked to the right and saw his wife reaching for his crown and placing it on top of his head. She wrapped her arm around his, and looked at him through the mirror.

"I know that we do not know each other very well, and I know that you have been hurt in more ways than one 5 years ago, but one day we have to talk about what happened. It does not have to be today, or tomorrow. It can be in the far future or before we die, but as your wife, I need to know." She said, looking one last time into Thorin's eyes before attempting to leave. But Thorin grabbed her hand before she can leave. He wanted to tell her -he really did, but 5 years is too short a time for him. He needs more time.

"I'm sorry. I will someday, my queen, but not right now." He said, wrapping his other hand over hers. Tamara closed her hand over his and gave him a small smile. She gave him a reassuring smile and a small squeeze before pressing her lips to his knuckles. It was in that small gesture that Thorin knew that he was unfair to his wife. She had nothing to do with what happened in the past, and he had no reason to avoid her as he did. With her arm looped around his, they walked out of the royal chambers, heading towards the throne room.

* * *

"Today, we remember the men, women, dwarves, and elves that died for us. The battle had been costly, and took many things that we love from us," Thorin said, his voice echoing in the silence of the hall. " Do not let their deaths be in vain. Let us honor their deaths in this toast -in a promise of a better future. Hail the victorious dead!" Thorin raised his goblet as the crowd shouted a synchronized 'hail', before drinking the wine in their cups. What followed was feast, and merriment. Rows upon rows of different kinds of meat, desserts, and delicacies that are fit for the tastes of men, elves, and dwarves. Soon enough, after the dinner, barrels of ale, wine, and mead were brought out, along with musicians. All the sorrow was chased away by the laughter and music that filled the dining hall that night. But no matter how merry or how loud the music is, three dwarves from the royal family could not bring their smiles to reach their eyes, for they were remembering a debt that no amount of Gold could repay to a family that once joined the Company in their quest.

After a dance or two, Tamara retired to the royal chambers, and Thorin went out to the balcony, a goblet and pipe in hand. From the outside, he saw how Princess Sigrid and Tauriel can make his nephews so happy. He used to be like that once, before the battle, back in that night in Laketown. He was happy with her, and now, he can't seem to find peace and solace despite a satisfactory life. Taking a sip from his goblet and a drag from his pipe, he huffed out a heavy sigh, finally coming up to a decision. If he wanted to find peace, he had to go to her.

It was time to pay Helga Skyrunner a visit.

* * *

 **Hey!**

 **I just want to let you know that I don't have an updating schedule, but I will be updating more often than I did with heart of Gold because my exams are done! All I have to worry about now are my projects, and student council stuff and I am done! But at least now, I have more time to write ^_^ Anyways, I hope you liked this chapter! A bit of a hint about the fate of this woman named Helga! ;) What happened five years ago, and Thorin can't just simply walk up to Helga and kiss her? Any guesses? Obviously, the issue between Thorin and Kili can be a hint ;) I'd like to hear your guesses before I reveal the events of the Battle in the next chapter! :) Don't be afraid to leave a review!  
**

 **Sincerely,**

 **Gabrielle 3**


	3. Chapter 3

Thorin looked at the boquet of marigolds that he held in his hand as he stood in a dimly lit hallway. It wasn't from the oil, mind you, but from what lay at the end of the tunnel. With every step he took, he felt his heart becoming heavier than usual. At the end of the hallway, he heard hushed voices.

"He wouldn't come." He recognized it as his youngest nephew's voice.

"Kili, he is grieving. Give him time. If it were me, you would be the same." He heared thw hushed voice of Tauriel, and when he turned to the room at the end of the hallway, he saw Kili sitting on one of the stone benches, with Tauriel beside him. The both of them turned at the sound of his heavy footfalls, and Kili's eyes widened as he stood up.

"You're here." Kili said, and Thorin took a step forward, holding the boquet of marigolds in front of him, his intention clear. Kili cleared his throat and excused himself, brushing past Thorin amd leaving. Tauriel gave a sympathetic smile to Thorin and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"You are one of the bravest man I knew, and I will live knowing that this is the bravest act you've done." Tauriel said, before leaving him. He looked at the room that he is in aand sat down on one of the stone benches there. Everything came back to him the moment that he looked at their tombs.

* * *

 _5 years ago..._

Helga held Alvor in her arms, the grime on her face suddenly disappearing as tears made it down her face, her eyes wide in disbelief as she scanned Alvor's body with panic.

"No, no, no," She mumbled as she pressed on the bleeding hole on his chest. He saved Kili and Tauriel's lives, and in return, he took the stab that was meant for Kili before the blonde elf prince could distract Bolg. As a motherly gesture, she placed her hand on his cheek, wiping away the tears that fell from his eyes and held him in her arms. "Alvor, stay with me, please. Alvor! I cannot lose you, too!" She scolded him, her voice shaking as he took heavy breaths. He looked at her in the eyes and for once, she saw fear in her brave nephew's eyes. He took the hand that held his cheek and gripped it tightly, bringing it near his heart.

"Helga, I'm sorry... I-I'm so sorry," He told her. "I'm sorry," He told her and her heart broke even more; he was forgiven the day she left them. "I've been terrible to you, and I didn't treat you the way you deserved." He said, his voice cracking from the pain and the emotions overflowing him.

"Stop... You don't have to be sorry for anything." She said, trying to bring back her strong facade for him, but failed.

"No. You've been a wonderful aunt... you did everything for us - I understand that, now," He said, and Helga cried even more. "It's a shame that I will have to-... leave so soon," He said and Helga thought that it's time that she should tell him. So she shushed him, leaned close to his ear, and whispered him words only for him to hear. At this confession, his eyes went wide and he gripped his aunt's hand tighter.

"Do not think about it. You must be at peace." She told him and even more tears fell from his eyes. So aunt and nephew just stayed there, so deep in each other's silent pain that they did not notice the company around them, bowing their heads in sympathy.

"I'm afraid, Helga... I-I don't want to die." He told her and she couldn't stand it anymore. She, for once, stopped trying to be the strong person she tried to be and let the sadness and grief overtake her.

"It'll be just like falling asleep," She told him and held his hand tighter. "Close your eyes... I'm here." She said, shushing him.

"R-Remember what you used to sing... When- When Amren and I were just children?" He asked, smiling brokenly and looking up at her and she nodded. "I w-would very much like to hear it... o-one last time... " He said, his voice starting to gurgle as he felt the blood rushing up his throat. Helga closed her eyes and held her nephew close as she started to sing Alvor's last wish.

Dark the stars and dark the moon,

Hush the night and the morning loon,

Tell the horses and beat on your drum,

Gone their master, gone their son,

Alvor closed his eyes, the pain starting to disappear as he remembered a fond memory from his childhood.

Dark to light and light to dark,

Three black carriages, three white carts,

What brings us together is what pulls us apart,

Gone our brother, gone our heart.

Helga stopped when she felt Alvor start to choke, but he squeezed her hand, urging her to continue until the end. Some of the company were already in tears from the emotional exchange from the aunt and nephew.

Hush the whales and the ocean tide,

Tell the salt marsh and beat on your drum,

Gone their master, gone their son.

Helga uttered the last line as a whisper as she felt Alvor's grip slack and his ragged breathing sopped. Helga started to wail, the broken cry of a mother echoing through the silent top of the frozen falls. It seemed that everything around Helga was mourning with her. Her shoulders were shaking violently and she slumped over the body of the one she treated like a son, despite his rudeness and anger towards her, and she felt like she can never move again, for she knew that a part of her died along with him and his brother and that she could never be complete again.

Now, she was truly the last of her race...

* * *

Fear not! There's a part two coming up ;) I'm not gonna leave you hanging just like I did with Heart of Gold xD


	4. Chapter 4

It was over.

They had won Erebor with, literally, blood sweat and tears, and Thorin felt a heavy weight lift in his heart. He could finally live, and rule in peace. Sure, there would be a lot of things needed to be done in order to fully restore Erebor to its former glory, but Thorin would be able to cope with it if Helga was beside him as his wife and queen. And speaking of...

He looked around, trying to catch a glimpse of blonde hair. The last he saw her was when she tackled Azog down and chopped off his other hand. He started to get worried, especially since he saw that the Company was starting to gather around a spot at the foot of the ruined tower. He limped towards them and was quite relieved when he saw Helga kneeling beside Amren and Alvor's corpse, with her back to them. However, dread filled him as he saw that she was cradling Alvor and shutting his eyelids close. With him and Amren dead -especially since the three of them were already starting to become close, he knew that Helga would never be the same.

"Bifur, Bofur, find a blanket, a cot, anything. We have to bring them down." Thorin told them, and they nodded before leaving in search for something to make do with. Thorin kneeled beside Helga, and wrapped an arm around her. She leaned on him, resting her head at the crook of his shoulder. He knew how much Amren and Alvor meant to Helga, and he couldn't imagine how it would have been if it were Fili or Kili were the ones lying dead on the ground.

Bofur and Bifur then returned, finding two cloaks of fallen elven soldiers. Fili and Kili, despite their injuries, took it upon themselves to be the ones to carry Amren and Alvor's bodies. Along with Bifur and Bofur, they lifted the bodies on the cloaks and the four of them carried to two bodies down the hill. The Company went with them, and so did Thorin, who was comforting Helga. They all walked silently down the hill, mourning for the loss of two of their friends this day, but silently thanking that everything was over... or so they thought.

Thorin, who had his arm on Helga's waist, and her arm around his neck, was lucky enough to catch her when she suddenly leaned to her side and collapsed. The company stopped and looked at their king, who was kneeling and laid Helga's head on his lap, frantically looking over her body and wondering what he had missed.

"Helga," He said, tapping her cheek as her eyes started to close. He suddenly saw Helga's other hand, clenched on her side. He took it in his hands, lifted her leather armor, and saw that her tunic was wet with blood and that she was still bleeding... bad. "Helga-... how-?"

"Azog... When I cut the bastard's arm off..." She answered, and Thorin sat her up, letting her lean on a nearby boulder.

"Damn you, woman! Why didn't you tell me a while ago! OIN!" Thorin roared, and the old healer was there in an instant.

"Because I know you'd panic-... you'd be distracted and would have died on Azog's hand. Besides, I was bound to die anyways," Helga said, letting out a bitter laugh. However, her eyes turned sad as she looked at him and tried to smile."Nearly a thousand years for a lonely woman is more than enough." She said, patting Thorin's cheek.

"Well I'm panicking now, you daft woman! Mahal, what were you thinking?!" Oin kneeled down and lifted her shirt to see that there was a huge slit on her stomach. He placed his hand on her back and felt warm blood gushing out of another wound.

"Thorin," Oin said, looking at the panicked eyes of the dwarf king, and shook his head. "She lost a lot of blood, and she's losing a lot more from that exit wound." Oin explained, and Thorin shut his eyes, as if he was in pain, too. The old healer backed up to give the two some space, and Thorin looked around, desperate for help. In fact, so desperate that...

"The elves," Thorin said, looking at them. "Those pointy eared bastards... They could-... They could-" However, he was cut off when he felt a hand on top of his. He looked down to see Helga crying and a weak attempt to smile.

"Thorin... No," She managed to say, and she let out a strained grunt, her face immediately turning into a grimace. "You have to promise..." She mumbled, squeezing his hand and he brushed her hair away from her face, tucking it behind her ear.

"The only thing that I'd be promising you is that we would get married tomorrow, formalities be damned," He said, his voice breaking. When he asked her to marry him, he wanted it to be perfect, up until the last detail. He already knew how long it takes to plan weddings, but as long as they end up as husband and wife, he'd be willing to wait. It was only until that moment that he realized how badly he wants to marry her, and how soon he wants it to happen."Everything would be alright... Oin! Do something!" He said, looking up at the old healer, tears already starting to stream down his face. However, one look at the healer's face, and he knew all that he needed to know. He shut his eyes and tried his best to compose himself before looking down at the love of his life. "Please, my love, do not do this to me... I love you -I cannot go on without you!" Helga gave him a weak smile and she cupped his cheek, her eyelids starting to become heavy.

"Thorin... You have-... to go on... You have so much to give to your people... not like me... I have nothing left..." She said, her voice faint. "You-... will be such a great king... And I-I'm sorry I can't-... be there to see it..." She looked into those blue eyes again... Those sad, blue eyes that she learned to fall in love with, before she closed her own. She took a deep breath and exhaled, giving Thorin's hand one last squeeze.

"I am ready," She said, but more to herself. She huffed out heavy sighs of pain, however smiling and looking up to the sky."I am coming home." Then, her last tears slipped down her cheeks before her laboured breathing stopped. Her hand then fell limp in Thorin's as he felt the warmth and life in her body slip away from his grasp. At the moment, all that could be heard were the dwarven king's cries and sobs of anguish and pain as he held his love's lifeless body in his. But no matter how much he prayed, no matter how much he cried or held her, Helga was gone, and there was nothing he could ever do about it.

* * *

When Thorin had no more tears left to shed, when he felt as if he had poured, shouted, and sobbed the life and soul out of his body, he felt a hand on his shoulder, and saw that it was Gandalf, giving him a sad smile.

"I think it would be best if we move her body inside the mountain, Thorin." The wizard said, and Thorin nodded weakly, feeling numb. When Balin, who also had tears in his eyes, and Dwalin made a move to carry her, Thorin stopped them.

"No," Thorin said. "I will carry her."

"Thorin, you are injured," Bilbo said, pointing out to the gash on Thorin's calf. "It will get worse if-"

"I will carry her." Thorin said, with a tone that left no questions. Bilbo just nodded, and backed off, watching as Thorin kneeled and placed his arms under Helga's knees and torso, placing her arm around his neck. With a grunt, he lifted Helga's body, and he limped all the way to Erebor, ignoring the throbbing pain on his calf, and how his arms were starting to ache from Helga's weight. She was, after all, slightly taller than her, and therefore heavy.

All the injured and what was left of the armies were gathered inside the mountain fell silent as they all saw the dwarven king limping inside, a dead woman in his arms, followed by the company who were behind him and were carrying two other bodies. It was then the dwarves in that mountain knew. They knew from the way Thorin carried her; they knew from the times when he would bow his head and settle his forehead on woman's in a tender way; they knew from the tears streaming down his face that they had just lost who was supposed to be their queen. As Thorin walked, everybody cleared a path for him, and the dwarves -wounded or not, kneeled or bowed as he passed, paying their respects. It was truly a sight to behold, and it would have been for Thorin, if it not for Helga who was lying lifeless in his arms.

And so, weeks after the Battle of the Five Armies, life went on. They held a small ceremony for Thorin's coronation, and a temporary council was held, in the absence of his real council which was in Ered Luin at the moment. Despite how much he hated this temporary council, he knew that he needed them, for Erebor was still weak, and hard decisions needed to be made for the sake of the kingdom. However, taking a dwarven wife and queen immediately is a decision that Thorin does not need to think about.

"My wife fought in the battle and died in my arms. I would not be taking another." He said, glaring at the council members. However, their skulls are as thick as their faces and the King's glare did not waver their decision for taking in a queen.

"But Your Majesty, a queen would be a symbol of hope, prosperity, and peace! I think-"

"You think, but I decide. Do not forget your place," He growled at them. "Do you not see that I am still in mourning?! Not only for her, but for the hundreds of dwarves that died on the battle. So I do not think that this is the time to be discussing these petty matters."

"Her? The Dragon Rider?" Another dwarf scoffed, and Thorin stood up, his chair falling and his fists clenched on the table.

"Watch your tongue, laddie. You do not know who it is you speak of." Dwalin growled, which seemed to work for the young council member.

"Now consider this topic closed and tell me something useful." Thorin said, getting his chair and sitting down again, a heavy weight in his heart.

When the meeting ended, he ignored the bows the council members were giving him and immediately left, Dwalin and Balin on his tail.

"Thorin, wait!" Balin called after Thorin, who stopped to turn at the old dwarf and nodded at him.

"How can I help you, Balin?" He asked, and Balin smiled warmly at Thorin.

"Actually, I think it is I who may be of help," Balin said solemnly, knowing that it was still a very sensitive topic for Thorin. "Thorin, I know that it is too soon -and it will always be too soon for you, but it gives me peace to know that Helga died how she wanted to."

"Why would anyone want to die by being gutted?" Thorin asked, bitterly. However, Balin just smiled.

"I didn't mean that she wanted to be gutted. What I meant was that she wanted to die by saving someone she loves, and that is you."

"Balin-"

"And how many young men, women, or dwarves can say that they are ready to die during their last breath?" Thorin fell silent, and Balin continued. "It gives me peace, Thorin, that she got what she wanted in the end."

"She did not want to die. She wanted a life with me -to be my wife, my queen."

"She wanted a family, Thorin," Balin said, shutting Thorin up. "She wanted her family back."

"Was I not enough for her?" Thorin asked, his voice weak, and Balin looked at his king with sad eyes.

"She loved you, Thorin. She loved you very much. But I'm afraid if your whole family- your whole kind died, I'm afraid there will always be a part of your heart that will always be dead." Balin said and Thorin blinked his tears away.

"Thank you, Balin." The king said, looking at the old dwarf with sad eyes before turning and resuming the walk to his destination in mind. When they were far from the meeting room, he turned to Dwalin.

"You are dismissed for the day. You know where to find me." Was all Thorin needed to say and Dwalin nodded before leaving. Thorin walked alone from that point, going down a number of steps before he entered a room wherein the moonlight is its only source of light. He ordered the servants to keep this room clean, for in it laid the most valued treasure in his whole life.

* * *

At this point, Thorin looked at the three tombs before him with glassy eyes. He was afraid that he did not fulfill his part of the contract, where in if she died, she would be burned in a funeral pyre just like her people's tradition. For Thorin, she was too beautiful and too loved to be degraded to ashes. So he kept her and her nephews in this room, in stone caskets with a marble cover with their carved figures laying down and resting peacefully. He himself was the one who chiseled Helga's cover and his nephews took the honor of carving Amren and Alvor's, for they saved the two Durin heirs' lives. He placed a flower on both of their caskets and he placed the boquet right on top of Helga's hands, just above her stomach. He knelt beside Helga's tomb, bowed his head and placed his hand on top of her stone hand. Leaning towards it, he gently kissed the stone lips of the woman that he once loved.

The woman that he still loves.

No matter how much this stone figure resembled Helga, no matter how much he worked so hard to be able to capture every detail of Helga, he only managed to exactly capture one detail, and that was the coldness of this statue to her skin at the moment. He sobbed and clenched his hands, letting all his grief out, and letting himself be weak for once. Was this his punishment for not being able to protect her? This hole, this emptiness in his heart?

"I'm sorry," He said, his sobs echoing throughout the moonlit room. "I'm sorry..." Somewhere hidden in the hallway of the dragon rider's tomb was a lonely dwarf queen, letting her own tears fall at the sigh of her husband's weakness. She tried her best not to reach out and take him in her arms. He needed time to grieve, and when he is done, she vowed that she will be there to pick up the pieces, and love him no matter what feelings he will return.

* * *

Dear readers! Most of guessed right! Dear Helga did die. How is she going to be with Thorin now, that not only a wife, but death keeps them apart? D: I hope that her dead does not make you hate this story xD as I say -I know what I'm doing ;) Anyways, I'd love to hear your reactions! :D

And to those who left a review, a follow, and favorite, thank you very much! (Especially Arianna Le Fay and KashinaKairi and other unamned ones who followed me from Heart of Gold until this story!)

~Gabrielle 3


	5. Chapter 5

**Here you go, guys! A new chapter! :) I hope this will make up for the previous one XD**

* * *

Thorin didn't know how long he stayed in Helga's tomb, but by the time that he got out, it was dusk, and he found himself walking back to his living quarters. He expected it to be empty, but when he opened the door, he found his wife sitting by the arm chair near the hearth, nursing a goblet of wine as she stared into the fire. He went near her, took her hand and kissed the back of it.

"My queen." He said, before going to the bathroom and started removing his clothing. Tamara could hear the water running from inside, and she decided to confront him about what she saw. She waited unti she heard the splash of water, signalling that the dwarf king was already inside the bath took a glass and poured some brandy in it before bringing it to the bathroom with her. She fought the blush that appeared on her cheeks and travelled down to her neck and somewhere down her nether regions from the sight that she saw. The dwarf king was leaning back in the tub, eyes closed and breathing evenly. He did not fall asleep, but for Tamara, she has never seen her husband so exposed and open as he was in the bathroom. Not to mention, it was the first time that she has ever viewed her husband as attractive. She was no stranger to his body, but seeing him in a state of bliss and so bare before her shed a new light on him. She felt a small flutter in her stomach from the thought.

Shaking her head, she reminded herself why she was here and opened Thorin's palm and placing the brandy in his hands. She took a stool and sat behind the tub, took his hair in her hands, and began to remove the beads on his hair. Thorin did not move, but she knew that he was aware of what she was doing. Tamara started to brush his hair, once she managed to remove everything, and she slowed down the more she thought about what she was going to say. That was until she completely stopped, and set down the brush. She hugged her knees and started to wring her hands.

"Thorin, we are husband and wife, yes?" Tamara askekd, and she heard the water swish. She glanced up to see Thorin who now turned and sat to face her.

"Of course we are! I would have thrown you out of this bathroom the moment that you touched my hand, if we were not husband and wife," He said, smirking. Tamara let out a small giggle, but her smile falling as she thought about what to say next. "Tamara, what's wrong?" He asked, and Tamara switched from hugging her knees to hugging her middle, buts she still did not look at Thorin.

"Thorin, a-as my husband, please answer me honestly... Did you have any other woman in the past?" She gently asked, and Thorin gave her a questioning look.

"What brought this up?" He asked, and Tamara looked further away from him.

"I-... I saw you visit a tomb, Thorin, and I saw you kiss the statue of the woman in there. Who was she, Thorin?" Tamara asked, looking at Thorin. She wasn't demanding any answers for she did not seek them out of jealousy -she was simply tired of being married to a stranger for five years, and she wants the remaining ones to become bearable. She just heard Thorin stand up, and not even the king's bare backside can distract her from her train of thoughts. Was there no chance of him ever loving her? Will she just be the back-up woman?

Tamara felt hurt from this and she stood up and quietly made her way to their bed. She knew that it was probably too early to sleep, but she did not feel like going to dinner. She just wanted to stay in bed, and gather the strength that she will need to brave out the next few hundred years with the man that she married. She wrapped the furs around her a bit tighter as she curled even more. She then felt a dip on the other side of the bed and for a while, there were no sounds other than the crackling of the fire and their soft breaths.

"Her name was Helga," Thorin suddenly said, and Tamara opened her eyes. Her head slightly turning to look at Thorin. "She was a member of the Company." Thorin explained further. Tamara turned to look at Thorin, and she saw that his eyes were glassy and unblinking, as if he were seeing his memories right before his eyes. Tamara pushed herself up and sat down, cross legged, and looked at Thorin.

"What happened?" Tamara asked weakly. Thorin blinked for a while before he looked at his wife.

"She died protecting me on Ravenhill, in the Battle of the Five Armies. She and her nephews died protecting Fili, Kili, and I that day." He said. Tamara bit her lip, and wished that she can hold his hand as he recalled his most painful of memories.

"What was she like?" Tamara asked, and she smiled a bit as Thorin smiled.

"She was one of the most infuriating beings I've ever met," Throin said, letting out a small chuckle. "But she was one of the most wonderful creature that I've ever laid eyes on." He said, his face nostalgaic.

"She was a Dragon Rider, and she was the very last one." Thorin explained, and Tamara's eyes widened.

"No," She said in disbelief. "But didn't they cause the whole aug debacle? Are they not extinct?" She asked, and Thorin sighed.

"Well they are now," He said sardonically, and Tamara bit her tongue. "But no, they didn't exactly start it. In fact, they were victims of Smaug. He burnt down her whole tribe, and she was the only survivor, along with her young nephews." Thorin said, and Tamara listened intently to Thorin's stories of her. He didn't know why, but he told Tamara everything -from Helga leaving her nephews to Elrond, the journey, Laketown, and everything else that happened. By the end of it, they were lying facing each other, holding each others' hands. But their moment of peace was disrupted by a loud knocking on their door. Thorin grumbled as he stood up to answer it. He was about to shout when he saw Dwalin standing there, a serious look on his face.

"Thorin, you need to come to your study -quickly." Dwalin said, and Thorin furrowed his brows.

"Can't this wait 'til the morning?" Thorin asked, looking back at the sleeping form of his wife.

"Oh trust me - you'd want to look at this." Dwalin said, and Thorin sighed. Putting on his robe, he went with Dwalin down the hall to his study. He didn't understand what the hurry was, for when he opened the door to his study, it was just Balin there. He failed to notice the two other men who faced the fire place.

"Tell me, Balin, what is so important that you have to drag me out of my bed im the middle of the night," Thorin said, and when the two men turned, he noticed something familiar in their faces. "Who are these?" Thorin asked. They looked like brothers, for they held the same blonde hair and brown eyes. However, the taller one stepped forward. He remembered staring into the same brown eyes once.

"King Thorin, my name is Malkus, and this is my brother, Hosue. We are looking for our cousin. You may not know her, but you might as well. Her name is Helga Skyrunner, and we're here to bring her home."

* * *

Thorin couldn't move from his position. They were alive. Thorin thought that Helga was the last Dragon Rider in Arda, but here they are. They looked like an exact copy of Amren and Alvor, Malkus' sons.

And Helga died thinking that they were dead.

"Please, I'm also looking for my sons, they might be with her." Malkus said, taking a step forward to Thorin. He started unwrapping the wrap on his forearm, and he showed him a tattoo that he knew all too well- the mark of a Dragon Rider.

"Helga -Helga Skyrunner, she might have a tattoo like this on her forearm, too. Please, your Majesty. I know that she fought in the Battle of the Five armies five years ago." Malkus pleaded. Thorin, who always wore bracers and long tunics, rolled up his sleeve to show a similar dragon tattoo on his forearm. Hosue and Malkus' eyes widened.

"You-... You are a blood-kin?" Hosue asked, and took Thorin's forearm to examine it properly.

"This is Helga's handiwork! You knew Helga?!" Hosue exclaimed, and Malkus furrowed his brows.

"How'd you know thag Helga made this?" Malkus asked, and Hosue shrugged.

"It's sloppy." Hosue explained. Thorin wanted to shake the sense out of Hosue from that comment -it was a work of art that Thorin will treasure. Malkus then turned to Thorin.

"Please, your majesty. We need to see our cousin -she is almost like a sister to us." Malkus said, and Thorin sighed.

"Follow me."

* * *

Thorin stood still at the heart wrenching cries of a father as he sees his son's tombs. Malkus didn't know where to go to, for the three people thag he hoped were still alive now laid in tombs. He could do nothing but kneel, cry, and repeatedly pray in their native language. Hosue just stood there, looking back and forth between the two stone caskets. He was the first one to speak.

"You did not burn their bodies?" He asked, and Thorin gulped and looked dow.

"No," He simply said, crossing his arms and looking down. "I couldn't bear to do it."

"Well, you must," Hosue said, walking up to Thorin. "I am telling you that you should have done it 5 years ago. It is disrespectful to us -you are not setting them free." Hosue said, and Thorin looked at Hosue dead in the eye.

"This is my kingdom, and she was under my care. I say what happens here."

"And they are our family! We have a right to say what happens to them!"

"If you were her family, where were you? Do you have any idea about the lonliness she went through? The burdens she had to bear?" Thorin challenged. Hosue and Thorin were getting ready to throw their fists at each other, when Malkus spoke up.

"Five hundred and thirty," Was all he said, and Thorin amd Hosue looked at him. "Five hundred and thirty tombs -that was how much we counted when we went back. She had to burn and bury five hundred and thirty corpses, including the children, the elderly, and pur family." Malkus said, who was leaning on Alvor's stone casket. He looked up at Thorin with red rimmed eyes.

"I hoped that she and my children were alive -I prayed to Bathala. Even though they are dead, I will be at peace knowing that they did not die at the flames of that beast -scorched, screaming and clawing for air," Malkus said, standing up. "Thank you, your majesty for accomodating us. We will leave first thing in the morning." Malkus said, and Hosue was about to retort, but his older brother held a hand up.

"I am sorry for your loss, Malkus. And to you, too, Hosue. I know what it is to lose a sibling," Thorin said, nodding. "You will be provided with food, warmth, and a bed. You may stay as long as you like." Thorin said, and Malkus nodded in return. As they headed out, Malkus stopped beside Thorin, and turned to him.

"That tattoo on your forearm - may I see it again?" Malkus asked, and Thorin rolled his sleeve up to show the black mark on his forearm. It was a tatto of two dragons coiled in a circle. Malkus let a small smile as he saw that tattoo on his arm. "Do you have any idea what this tattoo means?" He asked, and Thorin looked at him.

"What does it mean?" He asked and Malkus shook his head.

"This mark means that you are her other half -you are the one that completes her." Malkus said, and he let go of Thorin's hand before leaving the king to his own misery.

* * *

At the break of dawn, on November 25th, just a few hours after the resurfacing of the last surviving Dragon Riders, an earthquake shook the whole of Middle Earth. It was not a soft earthquake that simply shakes the jars on your shelf. It was a thunderous earthquake that came from the depths of the earth. It made people stumble, fruits fall and roll down the streets, and stones crack. It was one thunderous thud, as if a giant stomped on the ground. As the King Under the Mountain took in the damage reports from the different sectors of Erebor, what was odd was that nothing was severely damaged. Just spilt coal carts, fallen furniture and the like. Thorin was about to let oit a sigh of relief, but it got stuck on his throat when Bofur came running to him.

"THORIN!" He stopped in front of the king, half bowing and half keeling over in exhaustion. "You- have to-come with me." He said. The king, Balin, Dwalin, and Bofur came running to the sector where Bofur did a damage report. Outside of the damaged room were the fair haired brothers, standing there with their eyes wide open and their jaws dropping. When Thorin looked into the room of the tombs, there were two men leaning on cracked stone caskets. The statues that served as the lids were broken were split in to two and shattered on the ground. The men who were leaning back on the two stone caskets looked forward. Although they were disoriented, they recognized everyone that stood there.

"Thorin? Bofur? Balin?" Amren asked, squinting his eyes.

"Where are we? What happened?" Alvor asked, but their hearts clenched as they saw a blonde haired man making his wag through the small crowd outside of the room. Malkus stood there, not knowing what to do. It was Amren who first spoke.

"Father." He said, and the three of them recovered in their state of shock and they rushed to each other, crying and kneeling on the floor.

"I'm so sorry," Malkus sobbed into his sons' hairs. "I'm not leaving you again -I promise. I won't leave you ever again." He said, pulling his sons even closer. Thorin and the Company, who seemed to wake up from their shock, slowly walked towards the room, where the broken tombs lay. When they reached the inner part of the room, Thorin stopped in his tracks as he saw Helga's casket. The statue was cracked, and half of it lay broken on the ground, with the casket empty.

"Dear Mahal, she's gone!"

* * *

 **OoO What does this mean?**


	6. Chapter 6

**Okay, so I feel like they exaggerated Thorin's Dragon's Sickness in the movies so in my version, Thorin gets sick a few days after Kili and the others return from Laketown. And I apologize, but not much on Helga first. Maybe a flashback, but this chapter will kind of focus on Tamara first. I want her to become a developed character first, before Helga appears and what a royal mess it would make of Thorin. Anyways, enjoy this chapter!**

\--~•~--

 _Thorin never knew what relief meant until he saw her blonde mop of a hair pass through the hole in Erebor's entrance. The moment he saw those dazzling brown eyes, they rushed into each others' arms, holding on to each other for dear life."Mahal, I thought I lost you." Thorin said, kissing the top of her head."I thought I lost myself, too." Helga said, smiling through her tears. As the rest of the Company swarmed her, Thorin went to his nephews, hugging them for he had thought that they had been lost, too."It would take more than a Morgul arrow and a dragon to wipe our faces off this earth, right Fee?" Kili asked, smirking at his uncle, and Thorin admitted that he had missed them dearly._

 _That night, Thorin brought Helga to his old chambers. However, due to the dust that collected in his chamber, the best that they could do was to lay pelts and old sheets in front of the hearth. It was no problem to them, for they were used to sleeping on the cold, hard, ground. In time, the pelts were laid on top of their bare legs as they sat closely and facing each other. Helga stayed seated in between Thorin's legs, their foreheads touching as she held his fore arm and an inking blade on the other. As Helga started to ink the pattern on Thorin's forearm, she looked up at him and smirked._

 _"Does it hurt, my King?" She asked, and Thorin smiled and leaned in to kiss her. Helga was caught in surprise by the languid kiss, that she almost dropped the inking blade. She giggled into his lips and slightly pushed him off. This did not stop the dwarven king, for his lips travelled towards her neck._

 _"Stop," she said, giggling and gently pushing him. "We'll never get this tattoo done if you continue." She said, and Thorin grabbed her by the waist and pulled her closer, his lips traveling downwards towards her collarbone._

 _"I don't want a tattoo - I want you." The king murmured into her skin, and bit it. Helga giggled once more and set down the inking blade. She could not believe how this dwarf still wants more, after going at it for nearly the whole night. She cupped Thorin's cheek with one hand, and placed the other at his nape and pulled him closer for a kiss._

 _"That will have to do for now, your Majesty," Helga teased, and the king groaned from disappointment and from the pleasure of hearing her say that. "Unlike you, I need rest, and I need to finish that tattoo I started on your arm before I forget the image I had in mind." She said, picking up the inking blade once more and continued inking Thorin's forearm. It went on for a while, with him stealing kisses on her lips or neck when he had the chance. By the time it was done, Thorin examined the tattoo on his arm. It was rather thin, like it was drawn by a quill, but elegant._

 _"What does this mean?" Thorin asked her, and Helga knelt properly, shifting to straddle the seated king._

 _"Well, it means that you are a blood-kin," Helga said, cupping the sides of his face. "And it means that you are my better half. You complete me, Thorin," Helga said, sinking in to Thorin, both of them shutting their eyes from the pleasure. "And I will always find a way to come back to you." She whispered, before the king claimed her lips hungrily._

\--~•~--

Thorin woke up from his dream, panting and an ache in his chest. His eyes adjusted to the darkness, and his mind had caught up with the present. It had been five days, since the Dragon Riders came back to life, and Thorin could not bring himself to face them. Helga was still nowhere to be found, Hosue and Malkus stayed behind to help search for their little cousin, and for the meantime, Alvor and Amren were in the infirmary, regaining their strength and the events that they missed out, care of Fili and Kili. Thorin stood up and opened the door that lead to the outside of his balcony, a goblet of wine in his hand. The more days that Helga was not found, the longer his guilt stretched out, and it felt like it was killing him from the inside. In his dreams were either memories of their love, or visions of her blood literally on his hands, and he didn't know how much more he can bear. Before his dark thoughts could lead him to anything darker, he felt a hand touch his, and he turned to see his wife.

"You should be resting, my Lady." Thorin said, and Tamara moved beside Thorin, her hand traveling up to his shoulders.

"It is you who needs to rest, my Lord," She said, taking the goblet from his hand. "You carry more than the burden of the kingdom, now that Helga is back."

"Why did she have to come back! She was better off dead!" Thorin growled in frustration, slamming the stone railings and hissing from the pain that shot up from his fist. Tamara set down the goblet and took the pained hand in hers.

"We both know you don't really mean that," Tamara said, gently rubbing the aching hand of the king. "The real Thorin I know is not afraid to face his problems. Whatever life throws at you, you have no choice but to accept it and deal with it." She said, her voice unyielding and a hard look on her face.

"Tamara-"

"Do not let the guilt and regret consume you, Thorin. It will bring you nothing but misery. The best that you can do is to find something good in your problems, and focus on that." She said, before she realized what it is she just let out. She let go of Thorin's hand, and turned back to their bedroom. Thorin looked back at his retreating wife with a question in his mind. His wife certainly did give him a lot to think about.

\--~•~--

Tamara woke up the next morning, the other side of the bed empty, as usual. She sighed and buried her face in her pillows. Has she condemned herself to this life of loneliness? She really needed to check her decision making skills, now that she is queen of Erebor. So far, her decisions had lead her to nothing but sadness and heartbreak. Call her a martyr, but sometimes, she wished that she wasn't. Rising from bed, she started to fix it. She knew that there were servants who were supposed to fix their bed, but she's sure that the servants have better things to do for the day than tend to the personal chambers of the king and queen.

She then took a bath, dressed up in a simple dress, as usual, and went to the royal dining area. As always, she spent her breakfast alone. Sometimes, she often has Fili or Kili to accompany her, but they're both pre-occupied with the care for Helga's nephews. Once she was done, she decided to head to the infirmary to check on Helga's nephews.

Once she entered the infirmary, she saw the brothers sitting up in their own beds, eating what seemed to be porridge, while Fili and Kili were retelling a tale with animated gestures. The two dragon riders straightened up their backs when they saw her approaching. Fili and Kili turned, and looked surprised to see her.

"Aunt Tamara!" They exclaimed, standing up and was about to bow, when she raised a hand up. She smiled at them and they sat back down.

"Amren, Alvor, this is Tamara, our aunt and the queen of Erebor." Fili introduced. Amren and Alvor first looked at each other at what this meant, before they remembered their manners and tried to stand up. However, Tamara stopped them.

"Please, do not get up," She said to them. "You need rest and I would not have the saviors of my nephews bow before me." She explained.

"It is a pleasure to meet you, Queen Tamara," Alvor spoke first. "It may be rude to ask, but where is King Thorin?"

"As you may know, it has been a while since we have spoken to him." Amren said.

"I'm afraid that the King is a busy man, but I'm sure that he will be able to find time to visit the both of you. For the mean time, search parties are doing their best in looking for your aunt, and we are all praying to Mahal that she would soon be found. Besides, I have heard stories about your aunt, and I would very much like to meet her." Tamara said, and Amren and Alvor looked at each other for a while.

"Uh-... It may be best not to tell that you are the queen." Alvor said.

"Or Thorin's wife for the matter," Amren butted in. "You see,-"

"Helga and Thorin were once lovers," Tamara said, and Alvor and Amren nodded. "I think of the king no more as a friend, for I know that his heart would always belong to Helga." She assured them. As if on cue, a guard entered.

"My Lady, the king requests to see you." He said and Tamara nodded.

"Here is where I take my leave, gentlemen. Enjoy the rest of the day." With that, Tamara left and followed the guard.

\--~•~--

The guard lead her to an area of the Kingdom that she had never explored. The more they delved further into the area, the more sunlight appeared. The guard stopped outside a door with intricate carvings of the Goddess Yvanna and Mahal together in the heavens. She entered the door, and her eyes widened at the sight.

Trees of various kinds, and bushes of flowers everywhere, and a glass dome as the roof. This must be at the back part of the mountain, for this had never been visible at it's front. As she was dlne studying the room, she saw Thorin standing there, looking at her.

"I didn't know that Erebor had such a thing." She said in awe.

"A gift for you," He blurted out, and Tamara raised a brow at him. "I figured that I had been a neglectful husband -"

"For the past five years? Undoubtedly." She said, smirking and Thorin blushed at that.

"And I might start making up for it with this." He said, gestiring around the garden.

"Well, this certainly won't make up for five years," Tamara said, and she saw Thorin's shoulders drop. "But it's a start."

\--~•~--

The King and Queen sat down underneath a tree, their lunch laid out on top of a blanket with a bottle of wine. Tamara raised a brow at her husband and the king just shrugged boyishly. Tamara smiled at this, and sat down on the blanket. There, they ate, drank, and decided to make small talk.

"How was your day, your Majesty?" Tamara asked, Taking a bite from a slice of the pie Thorin brought.

"Dull, as always. Nothing worth telling," Thorin sighed, eating the last bits of food on his plate. "I think you'd have better things to tell. Did you have a good day?"

"I visited the infirmary today." Tamara said, and that was all he needed to hear to know who she met.

"How are they?" Thorin asked.

"They're doing well," Tamara said, taking a bite off the slice of pie. "They were with the boys, and they were just catching up on the five years they missed," Thorin took a sip of his wine, staying silent. "They were asking for you. They might have questions that you can answer -questions about Helga." She saw Thorin tense at this and sighed. She scooted closer and placed her hand on top of his. His fist opened up and he held her hand in his. He looked into his wife's eyes and gave her a small smile.

"This will get better -trust me. If you want, I could be there with you." Tamara said, squeezing his hand. Thorin felt his heart clench at the thought of his wife.

"I do not deserve you, Tamara," Thorin said. "You do not deserve to be married to someone like me -- someone who does not return the love you give. You deserve to be with someone who will love you with a full heart -- Someone who will make you feel satisfied." Tamara scoffed and took a sip from her drink.

"That ship has long sailed, your Majesty." She said, leaning back into the tree trunk.

"How so?" Thorin asked, setting down his plate and lying on his side, his elbow propped up to support him.

"How many sisters do I have, Thorin?" She asked him.

"Two." Thorin answered.

"And how many brothers?"

"None."

"And what am I among my sisters?" Tamara asked.

"You're the eldest."

"My father has no sons, Thorin, and I'm the eldest. I am expected to do a lot of things, and marrying for love is not one of them." Tamara explained, sighing and taking a swig from her drink.

"But surely, you must have met someone who you love." Thorin said, and Tamara had a fond smile on her face as she set down her goblet.

"I did." She said, and Thorin scooted closer.

"What happened?" He asked, and Tamara leaned further back, looking up at the sunlight that were filtered by the leaves of the tree, lost in her own memory.

"It was the Winter Ball --a night that I will always remember, and a night that I will regret 'til the end of my days," She said, her hand going up as if reaching for something, a smile on her face. "Soldiers were dancing with us and out of the thousands of men and dwarves in the room, one man caught my eye and my heart."

"Man?" Thorin asked, and Tamara smiled.

"He was from the race of men, and I would call you a hypocrite, if you judge," She said, smirking as she saw Thorin's mouth clamp shut. "All it took was three minutes of talking, and flirting, and I have never been the same. He was intelligent, handsome, and aloof, and I loved him."

"So you didn't marry him in fear of your father?"

"If I were not the eldest, he would have let me marry her, but I was not. And he wasn't the only reason why I didn't choose to marry him," She looked at Thorin, who nodded at her to continue. "I wasn't the only one who fell in love with him that night- my sister had this helpless look in her eyes. I loved my sister and I know her like I know myself --she is very kind and I'd hate to see her heart break. I knew that what I desire could never be, so I introducedhim to my sister."

"And now?"

"And now, she is his wife. They have a son, who is turning nine, soon. That doesn't mean that when I look at the stars, I don't see his eyes staring back at me -that I don't often fantasize about him and what might have been if I was a bit selfish that night."

Thorin looked at his wife, and he saw the change in her as she recalled that night. The light in her eyes and the smile in her face was gone, and she looked completely lost in her thoughts. It was his turn to hold her hand and squeeze it. She looked at him and he just gave her a small smile.

"It will get better." Was all Thorin said, and that was all Tamara needed.

\--~•~--

Thorin and Tamara walked to the infirmary, her hand in his arm, both feeling a bit lighter than they were this morning. Thorin stopped before the infirmary doors and looked at Tamara, who lightly squeezed his arm and nodded. Thorin opened the door, and found two brunettes at the end of the room, taking their lunch. They stopped, however, when they saw a familiar face approaching them. This time, they stood up and kneeled before him, bowing their heads. Thorin shook his head and held their arms, helping them stand up. When they stood up, he placed his hands on their shoulders.

"It is I who must bow to both of you for saving my nephews' lives," He said, before pulling them into an embrace. "It's good to see the both of you." Thorin said, along with a sigh of relief.

"It's good to see you, too, Thorin." Alvor said, patting Thorin at the back. When Thorin pulled away, he held their shoulders again.

"I swear to you, I'll find your aunt, and all of you can stay for as long as you like." Thorin said, and Amren and Alvor smiled.

"I worry how Aunt Helga's going to take this," Amren said, and all of them in the room knew exactly what he was talking about. "She loved you very much."

"And I love her, but I hope you understand that I had a duty to my kingdom, and now, I have a duty to my wife. We may not be together that way your aunt and I were, but I have to care for Tamara, now. She has became a good friend to me, even though I do not deserve it." Thorin said, and the brothers nodded. Their moment was interrupted by Dwalin's shouting outside of the infirmary, followed by footsteps that were getting closer.

"I need someone to call Oin, now! She's not at the right mind at the moment! She might have hit her head!" Dwalin shouted from outside, before the infirmary doors slammed open, followed by Malkus carrying a limp figure and Hosue rushing to the potion shelves.

"You forget, Master Dwarf, that I am a healer." Hosue said, his face calm, but his actions scream otherwise.

"Then someone call the bloody King!" Dwalin said, entering the infirmary and stopping in his tracks when he saw the king standing there,with his wife beside him, looking at the woman that Malkus brought in. Tamara gasped and looked at Thorin.

"Dear Mahal, is she-"

"We found her wandering in the hidden passages, where we entered five years ago. She has a bruise on her head, but when we touched her, she was a living furnace, Thorin." Dwalin explained.

"Is there a tub in here?" Hosue asked, and Thorin remembered what Gandalf told him all those years ago.

"Dragon Riders burn up when they're sick," Thorin muttered to himself. "Dwalin, fill up the tub with cold water. NOW!" Thorin ordered. He felt Tamara hold his arm and look at him.

"Is she going to be alright?" Tamara asked, and Thorin just nodded. He knew that she would be alright. Helga was back, and she was right in front of him. She needs to be alright.

He wouldn't know what to do with himself if he lost her a second time.

\--~•~--

 **OoO She's back!!! And for those of you who know Hamilton ;) I am so in love with the musical! Anyways, whaddaya think about this chapter? More back story for Tamara and our favorite Dragon Rider is baaaaack!!!! Lemme know what you think! Want more Tamara? More Helga? or more of Thorin suffering? :D**

 **AND A BIG THANK YOU FOR MY READERS, REVIEWERS, FOLLOWERS, AND FAVORITE-ERS OUT THERE!!! You guys are my fuel (besides the devishly good looks of Richard ;)**

 **~Gabrielle**


	7. Chapter 7

**Sorry if this is a bit short, but I just want to get this chapter out of the way! Anyways, I'll be able to focus on this story more since school's done :) Anyways, tell me what you think about this chapter, guys! I know some of you want to know what happens now in this sticky situation, and the situation is going to get stickier :D**

 **And now, ladies and gentlemen(?), the moment you've all been waiting for :D**

* * *

It was like drowning all over again.

She was sinking deeper and deeper into an abyss, but in this version, she didn't need air. She wasn't clawing her way up to the surface nor did she even dared to open her eyes -she didn't even feel herself breathe! All she felt was that she was floating down for eternity with a comfortable chill enveloping her. She didn't know how long she's been floating down in the abyss, but she knew that she has been for a long time. She was comfortable there -no worries, no hurt, no heart-break. She felt like she was conscious of everything, but doesn't remember anything, ans she prefers it that way.

She was content floating in this endless abyss, when her eyes were forced open, and a glowing hand plunged down to reach for her. As the hand grabbed her arm and pulled her towards the surface, blinding white light clouded her vision, and pain shot through her side. Soon enough, the light ebbed, her vision became clearer, and her senses came back. She was lying down, her hands on her stomach, and she was holding something. She looked down and saw that she was holding the handle of a sword. She looked up and realized that she was confined in a stone case, and the cover was split in half. She moved the half that remained and sat up properly, looking around her, and saw that there were two other stone cases in the room with her, both of them having statues on top of them. She looked at her own lid, and saw that there was a statue there, too. She got out of her stone case, her legs wobbling in the process and ending up falling to her knees. Her legs felt like they were dead, but she can feel that it's slowly coming back to her senses. She crawled towards one of the caskets, the one to her right, and she looked at it. She traced the features of the face of the statues, her breath getting stuck in her throat. She felt tears falling down her eyes, but she didn't know why. She wiped them away, but they kept on falling. She tried to stand, holding on to the stone case, and she saw the name at the foot of it: Alvor.

White light blinded her once more, pain washing over her body and she heard a voice calling out to her. A deep, familiar voice, was calling out to her, saying her name over and over again when a memory flashed once more in her eyes. It was a bloodied man lying in her arms, and she was singing a lullaby to him. She blinked and she saw the face of that man was the face that was carved in that statue. She gasped and scrambled away from the stone case, her heart beating fast. This man -the man inside this stone case, died in her arms, meaning that she was in a tomb.

She was confused and she didn't know where to go, but she knew that she couldn't stay in this room. So she left, hiding in corridors and in broom closets when someone was passing by. She didn't know where she was going, but she kept on moving. That was until she ended up in a corridor with large doors at it's end. She didn't know if there really were sounds coming in there, or if it was just in her mind, but she heard hisses and growling in the room, drawing her in. As she slowly made her way to the door, flashes of red scales, yellow eyes, and burning hot flames engulfed her mind. She held it's knob, turned it, and pushed the door open.

Her eyes widened at the sea of gold that was before her. It wasn't all gold, but rubies, sapphires, and emeralds were littered around the room. That was when the visions got worse, and she was left stumbling around, trying to get a hold of the nearest wall and letting it lead her. Everything came rushing back to her at that moment. Her family, her tribe, dragons, Elrond, Smaug -everything. How her family and her tribe died by Smaug's flames, how all of the dragons died with it, how she saved her nephews, Amren and Alvor, from dying and left them with Elrond, and the years that she has spent cold and alone. There was also thing that she remembered -her name.

Helga Skyrunner.

It was all too much to bear, and it was burning her from the inside. Then, she felt something hit her hard in the forehead, and the pain disappeared and all there was left is a white light.

"Helga," The voice said once more. "Dragon Rider, my last hope, your time in this world is not yet done. You have much work to do, young Skyrunner, and it is just beginning."

* * *

After Helga was found, she was set in a tub for a whole day, before Hosue declared that her fever subsided. The healers dressed her, and moved her to a regular bed. The next day, the whole Company, minus Bilbo and Gandalf, was in the infirmary, silently praying for their friend's recovery. They all gathered there to eat their dinner together, along with Amren, Alvor, Hosue, Malkus, and Tamara. It was then they realized that they rarely meet and get together like this, and they wished that it happened under better circumstances. Helga still hasn't opened her eyes, Thorin is there, too, but rarely speaks and just looks at Helga, resisting the urge to hold her hand. He moved away, and decided to have a proper talk with Malkus and Hosue.

"Does this usually happen?" Thorin asked, referring to the unconscious state of the Dragon Rider.

"No, this is the first time I've seen this. Usually, the patients wake when the fever subsides. They don't normally stay unconscious after a fever." Hosue answered.

"But if I know her, she would get through this. She's tough, our cousin," Malkus said, smiling a bit. "She was supposed to replace her betrothed, Daario, and become the next Legion Commander when Smaug attacked us."

"I've heard her say that. She talks about him during the journey, did she love him?" He asked, his heart clenching, and Malkus smirked.

"Jealous, now, are we?" Thorin just huffed at this. "They loved each other, but I always felt like Daario could never have satisfied Helga. They were a good match, but they would not have lasted long."

"Why are you still after her?" Hosue suddenly asked. "You have a wife, are you not satisfied enough with her?"

"I have my duties to my wife, but I'm afraid that my heart will always belong to Helga." Thorin admitted, and Hosue sighed.

"You would have to let her go, soon. She cannot stay here." Hosue said, and Malkus sent him a look, telling him to stop.

"And why not? She has a home here, so does Amren, Alvor, and the both of you, too." Thorin said, and Hosue gave Thorin a hard glare.

"She will not be staying here whether she likes it or not. She just can't." Hosue said, and Malkus sighed.

"Hosue, not now. We talked about this, and we decided to let Helga decide." Malkus said, but Hosue did not falter.

"Then all of those years that we could have spent with her and your sons were all for naught. You missed nearly a hundred year's worth of time with your sons!" Hosue hissed.

"We'll talk about this later, Hosue." Was all Malkus needed to say before Hosue gave him one last and left. Thorin looked at the brothers, a question in mind. He shook this off, for tonight, he would focus on Helga. He went beside his wife, who was looking at Helga, as if in deep thought. He held his wife's shoulders and she sighed.

"So this is her?" She asked him, and he nodded. She held his hand as they sat down beside the bed. They really could not do anything else but wait. "I would very much like to meet her when she wakes. She seems like a wonderful person."

"She is," Thorin answered. "Although I do not know how she will take everything when she wakes up." Thorin said, and Tamara looked at her husband with a sigh. She looked back at Helga, silently praying to Mahal and to Yvanna that they will get through this mess. Then suddenly, Tamara saw Helga's fingers twitch, and her eyes moving behind her eyelids.

"She moved!" She said, and there was silence in the room, followed by chairs scraping and Oin and Hosue making their way to Helga. They were all standing around Helga, waiting for something to happen. There was silence for a while, and everybody thought that it was just a muscle twitching. Helga's only movements were the slow rise and fall of her chest. Everybody held their breaths, when suddenly, Helga's eyelids slowly fluttered open.

Everybody let out a sigh of relief as her eyes opened widely and she looked at all of them. She was disoriented, and she took her time looking at each and everyone that crowded in her room.

"H-Helga?" Malkus was the first one to break the silence. Helga's eyes snapped to her cousin's face, and as soon as she saw him, her eyes started to water.

"M-Malkus?" Helga gasped, her hands flying up to her mouth. She looked around and saw Hosue, whose eyes were glassy. "Hosue?" She asked. The brothers took a step forward and they wrapped their arms around their cousin, their own tears falling, too.

"We thought you were dead, Helga." Hosue said, his voice shaking as he held his cousin closely.

"We thought you burned in the forest." Malkus followed, the both of them pulling away from Helga. All the Company do was watch and cry tears of joy at the reunion.

"I thought the both of you were dead," Helga cried in her hands, feeling something heavy from her chest being lifted. "I didn't see you in the attack awhile ago -I saw Daario-" Helga was hysterical, and the Company fell silent.

"Helga-"

"And then our house was burnt, and I couldn't find Amren and Alvor-"

"Helga, calm down-"

"And Malkus, your wife! She gave me Amren and Alvor and all I could do was get them and fly-"

"Helga, it's alright-"

"No! It's not!" After her outburst, you could hear a pin drop all the way from Mordor. "Our tribe has been burnt down, Malkus! Our whole race is gone, and now, I don't even know where I am! I am lost, and all I know is that I woke up in a room full of strangers!" Helga said, and everybody looked at each other. Thorin stepped forward, looking at Helga in the eye, a knot forming at the pit of his stomach.

"Helga," He said, and when he looked into those brown eyes that haunted his dreams, he felt his heart thumping loudly, calling out to hers. "Do you not remember any of us?" He asked, and Helga sighed, closing her eyes and her brows furrowed. She opened her eyes once more, and it was a look that was true to what she said.

"No."


	8. Chapter 8

"How come she doesn't remember us?"

"She must have hit her head pretty hard."

"This might be some sort of dark magic. Maybe that isn't really Helga in that body!"

"Have you sent a raven to Gandalf?"

"I did, the night that she and her nephews came back to life."

After Helga woke up, and after the heart-breaking revelation of her memory loss, everyone -except Oin, Hosue, and Tamara, went outside of the room. Obviously, what happens needs to be discussed. Everybody started talking, except for the king, who was going through all sorts of emotions at the moment. He was more than happy to know that she was alive and well. However, he was both saddened and relieved at the fact that she does not remember him. With her loss of memory, this could be an opportunity for a fresh start with her. He can start over, forget the horrible memories, start with a clean slate. But along with the loss of the bad memories were the loss of the good ones. To her, he is just a new face. He is not the one she promised forever to, he is not the one who she promised ro come back to -he is nothing to her.

"How could this happen? What kind of sorcery is this?" Dori asked, and Malkus stepped up.

"You did not burn her body when she died." Malkus said, looking at all of them, then they all looked at Thorin.

"I did not." Was all Thorin said.

"Did she ask for her body to be burnt?" Malkus asked, and Thorin nodded. "Do you know why we have to burn our dead, your majesty?" Malkus asked, and Thorin nodded.

"To prevent magic that can do things like this -to prevent them from being brought back." Thorin said, and Malkus nodded.

"We were just lucky that it was not dark magic that touched Helga and my sons." Malkus said.

"But that does not answer why she does not remember us," Kili said. "How come Amren and Alvor remember us, and she doesn't?"

"Ren, Alvor," Fili called, and they looked at him. "What do you remember when the both of you woke up?"

"It was dark, and cold, but for some reason, the cold didn't bother me." Alvor said.

"It was like being underwater, but without having the need to breathe." Amren said.

"I don't know about Ren, but there was this sudden flash of white, and next thing I knew, I was in the stone casket." Alvor said, and his brother nodded in agreement.

"But you remember everything?" Thorin asked, and they both nodded.

"Everything." The both of them said in unison. Suddenly, the infirmary doors opened and Oin and Hosue stepped out.

"How is she?" Thorin asked, and the healers looked at each other.

"Physically, she's fine. The no wounds or bruises, if that's what you're asking." Oin said, and they all let a small sigh of relief.

"But she the last thing she remembered is shortly after the attack of Smaug in our tribe. She mentioned something about falling in Rivendell?" Hosue asked, and they remembered that they had no idea what their cousin had been through all this time.

"Better sit down for a while, laddie. I think it's time we tell you what happened to Helga after Smaug attacked." Balin said, and they lead the two elder Dragon Riders to a nearby study, along with the rest of the Company.

* * *

"Where to start?" Balin said, pacing around and stopping by the desk, where he faced the two Dragon Riders.

"She said that she saved my sons from the forest," Malkus said. "What happened after that?"

"She fled to Mirkwood to seek help from Thranduil. She mentioned that your tribe and his kingdom were allies," Thorin said, and Malkus nodded. "You were fooled."

"What? Thranduil and our tribe are good allies! Made sure that the Greenwood was safe in return, he swore secrecy about our tribe," Hosue said."We called him a blood-kin! A friend!"

"Well this _friend_ of yours held your nephews, your cousin, and her dragon captive," Thorin spat. "He tried to bargain with Helga -Amren and Alvor's lives in exchange for training and breeding more dragons for his army." The brothers were left speechless. Thranduil was a trusted ally of their tribe, and they couldn't believe that he turned against them in their time of need.

"How did she escape?" Malkus asked.

"She got your nephews, her dragon, and set half of his kingdom on fire, including half of his face," Thorin said, feeling a bit proud of the female dragon rider. "But it came at a cost. They shot a poisoned arrow at Helga's dragon, and it was only able to make it until Rivendell."

"He died." Hosue stated, and Thorin nodded. Everybody was silent, and the elder dragon riders seem to be lost in a memory.

"Losing your dragon feels like dying -like half of your soul is being ripped out," Malkus explained. "That must be why she can only remember up until Rivendell."

"The question is why only until that point?" Amren asked, and they all nodded. They knew that only one man can have the answers that they needed, and they prayed that that old wizard will come sooner.

* * *

Tamara was left to look after Helga, who was now calm after her hysterics. She was dozing on and off, due to some medicine that Oin and Hosue gave to her. She sighed and leaned back on the chair she was sitting on. The Company has been gone for a while, and Tamara sensed that it was sun down. She looked at the unconscious woman before her and wondered what happened to her that she had forgotten her memories. This woman, who based from Thorin's stories, loved him very much. Helga stirred awake, blinking a couple of times before her eyes fell on Tamara.

"Hello." Helga said, and Tamara smiled.

"Good evening," Tamara said, and Helga blinked, looking around for windows. "You've been out for quite a while."

"Where are the others? Where are my cousins?"

"They all stepped out to talk. They didn't want to bother you any longer. Besides, you need rest." Tamara said, standing up and pouring her a glass of water.

"I don't think I need to." Helga said, and Tamara sent her a raised brow.

"Oh?" Tamara asked, and Helga was in deep thought.

"I don't feel like resting. I feel like I've been sleeping long enough not to sleep anymore." The Dragon Rider explained.

"You're just restless. Would you like to take a walk?" Tamara asked, handing Helga the glass of water and she nodded. When Helga was finished with her water, Tamara helped her stand up and assisted her.

"I'm sorry, I must seem rude! I'm Helga, by the way." She said, holding out her hand. Tamara smiled and shook it.

"I'm Tamara. Do you know where you are, Helga?" Tamara asked, and Helga looked around, studying her surroundings.

"It seems like I'm underground." Helga said, and Tamara nodded. They continued to walk towards the door, down the hallway, and outside to a balcony. Helga breathed in the fresh air, and sighed, leaning by the balcony railings.

"I'm far from Rivendell, aren't I?" Helga suddenly asked, and Tamara nodded, not knowing how to tell Helga everything. She decided to just let her learn about everything at her own pace, and not drop everything at once. She is not like her nephews, who only missed five years in their life. For Helga, she has roughly around a hundred and seventy-six year's worth of knowledge and events that she has to catch up to, and a majority of those years, she spent by herself. "I can tell by air and the cold. And I can see Mirkwood from here." Helga explained, and Tamara just nodded.

"So that must mean that I'm in Erebor." Helga guessed, looking at Tamara who just nodded once more.

"What do you last remember, Helga?" Tamara carefully asked, and Helga just sighed.

"I remember crashing into a stream near Rivendell with my nephews. Then pain -as if my heart was being ripped off my chest," Helga said, a tear falling down at the memory of her dragon. Tamara placed her hand on top of Helga's, and smiled at her. "Then it was as if I was underwater. I heard a voice call out to me after that. Next thing I know, I woke up in a marble coffin along with two others with the names of my nephews." Helga said, and she looked at Tamara.

"Tell me the truth, Tamara. What year is this?" Helga asked, and Tamara knew that this would be inevitable. Eventually, she'd have to tell Helga everything.

"It's the year 2946 - a hundred and seventy-six years after Smaug attacked Erebor." Tamara explained, and Helga's breath got stuck in her throat. She had missed a hundred and seventy-six years of her life.

"So I have been asleep for a hundred and seventy six years? How did I end up in Erebor?" Helga asked. Tamara was about to answer, when they heard their name being called.

"Tamara?! Helga?!" They turned to see Thorin, Malkus, and Hosue running towards them.

"Where have you been?" Hosue asked.

"We came back to the infirmary and the both of you were gone!" Thorin said, looking at the two women.

"Calm down, Thorin. Helga was just restless, so we took her for a walk."

"But Helga just woke up. She might not be in full recovery, yet!" Hosue said, glaring at Tamara, and Tamra was about to retort when Helga beat her to it.

"It's not you who says what it is I need or what it is I feel! I feel fine, Hosue, and we are more than capable of handling trouble." Helga said, looking at Hosue, the both of them glaring at each other.

"Helga, Hosue, please," Malkus said, going between the both of them, stopping them from doing or saying anything else. "Thank you, your Majesty, for bringing Helga out for some fresh air. But if you excuse us, my cousin and I must have a talk that is long overdue." He said, looking at Helga. Malkus bowed, taking Helga and Hosue by the hand and dragging them away. A few seconds later, they heard Helga's voice down the hallway.

"Wait, did you just call her 'your Majesty'?!" The royal couple could not help but smile at Helga.

"Well, at least her sense of humor did not go away." Thorin said, turning to face the horizon and bringing out a pipe.

"Thorin, how are you going to tell her?" Tamara asked, and Thorin placed the pipe on his mouth.

"Tell her what?" He asked, placing a bit of dried weed and lighting it up.

"Everything! How she joined the Company, how she died for you, how you love her?" Tamara asked, looking up at Thorin who just shook his head and let out a puff of smoke.

"Never thought I'd hear those words from my wife." Thorin said, and Tamara frowned as she looked at him.

"You don't plan on saying anything, do you?" Tamara asked, and Thorin stayed silent, taking a deep breath and letting out smoke in an exhale. "Thorin, why? You have a second chance with her! If it were any widow or widower in your position, they'd make the best out of it!"

"What is there to make, Tamara?" Thorin suddenly asked. "To her, I am just another dwarf! Even if I wanted to be with her, I am married -no less a king! To pursue her now -it would be political suicide." Thorin said, and Tamara looked away from her husband. There was silence between the both of them, and Tamara sighed.

"Thorin, I have long accepted the fact that you will never love me. It's obvious that you are still in love with Helga, but I remember you telling me that you were ready to marry her, despite what anyone else will say." Tamara said, and she heard Thorin sigh. She turned to Thorin again, her brows furrowing. "Five years of sorrow, Thorin. I've seen it! How you sulk in your office, come back to our bed drunk, how you cried on Helga's casket on the anniversary of the battle. You silently pray for her to come back, and now that she is here, you will do nothing?" Tamara asked, and Thorin let out another puff of smoke.

"This is bigger than my own happiness, Tamara. If I go with Helga, it's as good as raking my family's name through the mud. No one would accept Fili as my heir, and God knows who'll take on the throne after me." Thorin explained, and Tamara looked at Thorin's back one last time before leaving to her chambers.

He gave her a lot to think about.

* * *

 **So we have a new cover photo! Yaaaay! :D Thank you for all your reviews! They are so sweet, and I'm really glad this story is working out! (At first, I thought that it wouldn't) All I ask, though, is to pray for my country. We've been experiencing a series of earthquakes here, and there's this one fault line we're being careful of. Just so happens that my town is just beside that fault line ._.**

 **Anyways, tell me what you think! Up next, the talk between the Skyrunners! Something big's gonna be revealed next chapter! Another twist in the story :D**

 **With love,**

 **Gabrielle**


	9. Chapter 9

**Fair warning: For those who have read Heart of Gold, Helga might be a bit OOC here, and just so you know, I intended that. Explanation to be followed in the next chapter.**

* * *

"You could have at least given me a heads up that it was the queen of Erebor that I was talking to!" Helga exclaimed as they entered the room, her eyes going straight to a bottle of brandy in the room. She crossed the room, pouring herself a drink on one of the glasses. She turned when Hosue laid a hand on top of the glass. Helga looked up at Hosue, a pleading look on his face.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Helga asked, looking at Hosue and Malkus back and forth. That was when she remembered why.

"Right. You haven't seen me in a hundred and seventy six years." Helga said, putting her glass back down."

"How much did Tamara tell you?" Hosue asked.

"So you're in first name basis with the queen, now?" Helga asked, Malkus pinned her down with a stare.

"Helga, now is not the time." The elder Skyrunner said.

"I'm sorry, cousin, but I thought that you might have missed me," Helga said, her voice jesting, but her eyes not. "After all, God knows how much I've missed the whole time I've been asleep. So why don't you just tell me what exactly is going on?!"

"We want to, cousin, but there's so much that happened that you might not be able to handle it." Hosue calmly explained.

"Hosue, do I look like I'm made out of glass?!" Helga asked him, and she shook her head. "Unbelievable." She took the glass that was under Hosue's hand and downed its contents. She let out a sigh and stared at the fireplace. "At least the queen told me the truth. She didn't even tiptoe around it!" Helga said, sitting down on one of the chairs, then looking at her cousins.

* * *

"Now, I want nothing but the truth - what is going on with me and why am I still alive?"

"Where to start?" Malkus said, laughing nervously as he poured himself a drink, too.

"What happened after I died in Rivendell?" Helga asked and Malkus raised a brow.

"Well, you didn't die, that's for starters." Malkus said, and Helga's brows shot up to her hairline.

"I didn't die there?!" She exclaimed, and her cousins nodded.

"You raised Amren and Alvor for a while, and left them there when they were capable of taking care of themselves," Malkus said, taking a sip from his drink. "Bathala knows why, but you wanted to be left alone. You spent the rest of your years travelling here and there, 'til you joined the Company of Thorin Oakenshield."

"Why would I want to join a Company of a dwarf who can't even think of a proper moniker for himself?" Helga asked, pouring herself another drink as the brothers looked at each other.

"You might want to be careful about your opinion to Thorin, cousin." Malkus said, and Helva raised a brow.

"Oh? And why is that? Am I supposed to owe my whole life to this 'Thorin'?"

"He is the current king of Erebor, cousin," Hosue said, and Helga spluttered as she took a sip from her drink. "The husband of your new found friend."

"Well, did I at least get paid?" And so, the three Skyrunners spent the rest of the night doing just that -Helga asking questions, and the two older Skyrunners answering the best that they can. They answered truthfully, however, the Skyrunner brothers have been avoiding a topic that is long overdue for discussion -the real reason why they came here. Once Helha was set for bed, they decided that tomorrow, they shall talk to the king about it.

* * *

The next day, Helga woke up from the sound of silent arguing and clothes ruffling that can be heard from outside the bedroom door.

"No, you wake her up."

"What? No way! She hated it when we woke her up."

"You never experienced getting a bruise on yo cheek for waking her up."

"But you're the princes!"

"It's your duty!"

"But you're her nephews."

"It's your responsibility!"

"We used all used to be her nephews, idiot."

Silence.

"What, too soon?"

"Best not to mention that to her."

"Best not to mention what?"

"AH!"

Helga opened the door to see the shocked faces of a blonde and brunette dwarf, and two brunette men.

"Best not to mention what to me?" Helga asked again, and the four of them looked at each other before standing straight.

"Uhumm, nothing! We were just about to wake you up." The brunette dwarf said, and Helga raised a brow,

"Well you certainly did it," Helga said, rubbing the sleep from her eye. "Although, I must say that I don't know any of you yet." She saw the four of them look at each other, and the blonde one made a step forward.

"Forgive us for our lack of manners, I am Fili and this is my brother Kili, at your service." The blonde dwarf said, pointing at the brunette dwarf, and they both bowed.

"May I just say that it is a joy to have you here with us." Kili said, taking Helga's hand in his and pressing his lips to her knuckles, even though that it was his bad hand that he used. Helga then turned to the other two boys with her.

"I'm sorry, but you look familiar. Have we met before?" Helga asked, and Alvor stepped forward.

"Aunt Helga, it's us -Amren and Alvor." Alvor said, and Helga gasped, suddenly remembering. She saw their faces on the statue on top of their tombs. Helga suddenly wrapped her arms around the two of them, her eyes closing and holding her nephews close.

"The both of you are so big!"Helga said, pulling away with tears in her eyes and a sad smile on her face. "I'm sorry -I could have looked out for the both of you. It was my responsibility, and look where it got the the both of you!"

"Alive and well!"

"Happy to be in the land of the living!" The brothers said, and Helga let out a laugh while wiping her tears away.

"Anyways, we didn't come here to bring you to tears." Alvor said.

"We're here to escort you to breakfast." Amren said.

"Just a favor, can you please wipe those tears away before we go?" Fili asked.

"Thorin and Hosue might kill us if they see you like that." Kili continued. Helga just laughed, wiped her tears away, and followed the four boys out of her room.

* * *

"Thorin, we need to talk." Hosue said, after sitting down on the table with his brother and with Thorin. They were supposed to have breakfast with Helga, and sent the four boys to wake her up. While they were gone, they took this opportunity to finally talk to Thorin.

"Mahal, I haven't even finished my meal yet." Thorin muttered, stuffing some eggs and sausages in his mouth. Hosue decided to ignore his complain.

"Hosue and I have been meaning to discuss this with you, and we're not sure how you're going to take it." Malkus said, leaning towards Thorin's seat. Thorin, who just finished his meal, sighed and put down his utensils.

"Alright. What is it?"

"Now that Helga is alive, what do you plan on doing?" Malkus asked, and Thorin looked at his wife, as if they were silently conversing.

"The queen and I talked about this, and we decided to announce Helga and your sons as heroes from the Battle of the Five Armies." Thorin said, looking at Malkus.

"We think that it's best if our people know who the real heroes were that day, as they were not given proper acknowledgment." Tamara said, and Hosue glared at Thorin.

"She deserved that acknowledgement the moment that she died." He said, and Thorin glared back at Hosue, however not being able to say anything for it was true.

"And is she obligated to stay here?" Malkus asked, and Thorin leaned back on his chair.

"Well, I would not say obligated. She and your sons are welcome, yes, but in the end, it is up to them to decide," He said, his heart clenching in bitter hope that they do - but he would not admit that. "Why are you asking this?"

"Because you are blood-kin, we decide to entrust this piece of information with you, but whatever we discussed stays here. Helga cannot know right now -not if she is still confused," Malkus said looking at both Tamara and Thorin. "Helga cannot stay here, whether she likes it or not, because we will be needing her."

"But it is her choice, isn't it?" Thorin asked, his heart clenching. He didn't know why he hoped, because it seems that all hope was lost. There was no point in hoping or in praying for a miracle to happen.

"We found dragon eggs north of Ithilien." Hosue said, and Thorin's eyes widened.

"Dragon eggs?" Thorin asked, and Malkus nodded.

"Yes, dragon eggs. Although, they were petrified, so without someone with extensive knowledge about dragons and their growth, they're just pretty rocks." Malkus explained, and the small hope that Thorin clung to was gone. He knew, as a person who had to decide between heart and your people, your people always came first, if you were the leader.

"Mahal, this means-" Tamara said, her jaw slacking.

"This means, your majesty, that we will be able to restore the race of the Dragon Riders."

* * *

 **I know this is a pretty shitty chapter, but hey! The secret's out! :D For some of you who read Heart of Gold, remember the scene where Thranduil and Helga were talking in Mirkwood? Well here it is ;) Anyways, this will be a problem in the future, but now, let's worry about the present! A lot of you have been asking who it is Thorin will end up with: Tamara or Helga, and if it is Helga, how? Well, the following chapters will answer those questions! Don't worry, though, whoever Thorin doesn't choose will become a strong, independent woman who needs no man in her life XD**

 **Also, for those who reviewed, followed, and clicked the favorite button, thank you so much! I can't wait to read your reactions to this new revelation! :)**

 **With love,**

 **Gabrielle**


	10. Chapter 10

For a moment, nobody spoke.

Everybody was silent with this new piece of information. Thorin and Tamara looked at each other, then around them. Nobody else was with them, and Thorin was glad for this. He looked at both Malkus and Hosue.

"You cannot let anybody else know about this, especially if they are dwarves of Erebor." Thorin said.

"If they hear about this and trace it back to you, the people will revolt. A lot of the dwarves still think that it was your people who caused Smaug to attack Erebor." Thorin explained, and Hosue's eyes widened.

"But we didn't!" Hosue exclaimed.

"We know that -Helga explained everything," Thorin said. "But the rest of my people don't. Half of them didn't even think that your kind existed." They were cut off when they heard voices coming from the hallway. Thorin started to feel a dull ache on his temples -and his day has not even started yet.

"We will talk about this later." Thorin said in a hushed voice before he saw his nephews, Amren, Alvor, and the yellow haired woman of his dreams and nightmares came in. When she entered, she stopped and looked around for a while before giving a small smile, a small blush creeping into her cheeks as she saw him and Tamara.

"Helga," Tamara said, smiling at the Dragon Rider and standing up. "Do join us for breakfast." She said, pulling the empty seat beside her.

"Your majesty," Helga said, bowing a bit. "I would just like to apologize if I have behaved inappropriately yesterday." She said, and Tamara laughed, circling the table and hooking her arm in hers.

"There is no need for formalities, Helga. I'd like for you to think of me as a friend," Tamara said, as she walked her towards the head of the table. "I would also like to introduce to you my husband, Thorin." Thorin felt his heart clench as he saw Helga look straight into his eyes, without a hint of recognition. But he did not forget his manners and he stood up as she bowed before him.

"Your majesty, it is a pleasure to meet you." Helga said, and Thorin spoke when he managed to find his voice.

"Please, call me Thorin," He said, managing a small smile as he took her hand in his and pressed his lips to her knuckles. Everybody, except for the both of them, noticed how his lips lingered for a second longer than necessary. When he looked back at her eyes, he thought he saw something in her eyes, but he knew better than to hope. "And the pleasure is all mine, Lady Helga."

"Please, I am no lady." Helga managed to say, as she pulled her hand back. She didn't know why, but as she looked into Thorin's eyes, she felt a clench in her heart and a flutter in her stomach. The room seemed warmer, and she felt like the air was knocked out from her chest. Tamara noticed this, and she smiled a bit before interrupting their train of thoughts.

"Now, you must be hungry. You need to eat, for we have a long day ahead of us." Tamara said, leading Helga to her chair.

"What are we going to do today?" Helga asked, sitting down and looking at Tamara.

"I will take you to meet the Company. After that, we will be going to the library, to look for books that can tell you what happened for the past two hundred years," Tamara said, as she eyed Thorin who was sitting down and taking a sip from his mug. "And the best dwarf who can help us with that is our head scribe, Ori." As Tamara said this, Thorin started to splutter in his mug. He set it down and grabbed his table napkin, covering his mouth as he coughed out. He looked at Tamara, who just had a smile on her face.

"Are you sure that Ori is the right dwarf to do that? He was the youngest in our Company. He is not even near a hundred and fifty!" Thorin said, looking at Tamara, and from his peripheral vision.

"Yes, but Ori has read a lot of history books, and might even know more than you, dear," Tanara said, and Thorin sent his nephews a glare when he heard them snigger. "And Helga might like to know about how she joined the Company. I mean all of you were friends, were you not?" Tamara asked, and Thorin could not believe his wife.

Out of all of the people who can try to rekindle him with his past love, he still could not understand how his wife decided to take up that role.

* * *

Tamara took Helga to meet the rest of the Company after breakfast. They visited each and everyone in their own working areas. They first went to Bofur and Bifur, who owns and runs and toy shop in the market. Bofuwas sweet and friendly, for a dwarf, and Bifur caught Helga's attention -especially since he had an axe on his forehead. He only ever spoke Khuzdul, and used signs to communicate. There was Nori, who used to be a thief, and is now the eyes and ears of the king. There was Dori, who was the brother of Nori and Ori. As much as Tamara wanted to, she has yet to formally introduce to her Balin and Dwalin, for they were always with Thorin wherever he goes. Once they were finished, they met up with Malkus in the kitchens for lunch.

"Where's Hosue?" Helga asked Malkus, who was wiping his sweat with a towel, as he was fresh from training.

"He's with the head healer, Oin. You've met him?" Malkus asked, and Helga nodded as a plate with a small pie was laid in front of her.

"Tamara, I'd like you to meet Bombur, our head cook here in the kitchens." Tamara said, a rotund dwarf beside her.

"The master behind the incredible meals I've been having." Helga said, and Bombur smiled. His eyes were wandering between her and the pie in front of her, as if he were expecting something.

"If you like my meals, then you might like this pie I made," Bombur said, sitting beside Helga and giving her a knife and fork. "I learned it from an old friend of mine." Bombur said, and servants came in, holding plates with pies in it before laying them down in front of their guests. Helga took the knife and fork, and Malkus, who was already halfway through his pie, dropped his fork. Everyone looked at him, as his jaw slaked and his eyes widened.

"Helga, you have to try this." He said, and Helga sliced through the pie. As she opened it, the savory aroma of mashed potatoes, beef, basil, rosemary, and gravy filled her sense. Her mouth started to water, and she scooped a portion with her fork and ate it. The flaky crust, along with the potatoes melted in her mouth and the herbs, along with the beef and gravy mixed together in her mouth, and with this taste, her eyes widened in realization.

 _"I used to watch my grandfather skin animals. Then, my mother would make the best meat pie in the whole of Arda out of it. Too bad that a troll is even better at cooking than me. I can't make it as good as what my mother did." Helga said said, sitting on her heels. She was in a camp, somewhere in a forest clearing, and there was a skinned deer in front of her. Judging by the blood on her hands, she was the one skinning the deer. A rotund dwarf sat beside her, and he had orange hair._

 _"Do you remember the recipe? I might make one for you once we're back home." He said, and Helga smiled, her mouth watering at the thought of tasting her mother's meat pie once more._

Helga blinked as she swallowed. She just saw -what, a vision? A memory? Or was it her imagination.

"Helga, is there something wrong with the pie?" Tamara asked, placing a hand on the Dragon Rider's arm, and Helga looked at the queen. She did not realize that there were tears in her eyes, and Helga smiled, sighing happily.

"No, there's nothing wrong," Helga said, and she looked at Bombur, smiling as she felt her tears falling. "It's perfect." She said, and she found herself hugging the orange haired dwarf, and she wasn't surprised to find his arms around her in an instant.

"I remember." Helga suddenly said, and she felt all eyes on her. She pulled away and she sat down with her elbows on her knees, her hands wiping the tears from her eyes.

"You remember something?" Tamara asked, and Helga nodded. In an instant, she and Malkus went to her side.

"What do you remember?" Malkus asked, and Helga sighed.

"I remember that I was in a forest clearing. It was night, and I was in a camp. I was skinning a deer, and I was talking to Bombur," She said, looking at the said dwarf. "I told you about the pie that my mother used to make, and you said you'd make it for me once we reclaim Erebor." Helga said, and Bombur just smiled, unshed tears in his own eyes. He could not believe that this small act of just simply cooking this pie made her remember something! Everybody thought the same:

It was not much, but it was something.

* * *

Helga was never one for reading books -she learned better through experiencing than looking at what she wants to learn. Although she was never the bookworm, Erebor's library didn't fail to amaze her. Tons of books, and probably tomes and records, were placed in thousands of shelves in the upper floors. Amren, Alvor, Fili, Kili, Helga, and Tamara went there after lunch, and out of all of them, Amren was the only one who showed all signs of sleeping here for a hundred years.

"You've got to be joking." Amren said, his mouth open as he looked around. With all of this information, he didn't know where to start.

"Do not worry, you will not be reading all of these. I do not think that what we will read will even reach a sixteenth of it." Tamara said, smirking at the young man as she walked towards a large, marble desk. Behind that desk sat a young dwarf with spectacles and knitted gloves, a serious look of concentration on his face as he examined what looked like tomes.

"Master Ori." Tamara called, and the dwarf looked up, smiling as he saw who they were.

"You're Highness," Ori said, standing up and going in front of the desk, bowing in front of her. "I have the books and tomes you requested."

"And the record of Thorin's journey with the Company?" Tamara asked, and Ori smiled. "All there." As Tamara and Ori lead their small group towards where their books are, Helga fell to the back of their group, taking her time looking around. She had never seen a vast collection of books in her life -or maybe she did, but she just does not remember.

As she walked and looked at each aisle she passed, she saw that at the end of one aisle stood Balin and Thorin. The King's arms were stretched out over the desk that they were using pointing at different parts of it to Balin, who just nodded and talked. Helga felt her heart clench at the sight of him there. She didn't know why for the past two encounters with him, her heart would clench, she'd forget to breathe, and she'd feel the blood rushing to her cheeks. And to think that she just met him. She didn't know how or why she feels this way, but she knew that she shouldn't.

He's a married man, and a king, no less.

It wasn't until Helga realized that Balin and Thorin had stopped talking. Balin was looking at his king with a knowing expression while Thorin was looking at Helga. Their eyes met, and once more, Helga forgot how to breathe. His eyes were beautiful -as blue as the sky in a good day. She couldn't read him from his stare, but she was sure that he could read her. So before he could see behind her eyes any further, she bowed and quickly followed the others. Later on, as she recounted the history of the past hundred years with Tamara, Helga could find herself thinking of white, tall cities of men in the south and green pastures of a place called The Shire. Oddly enough, she found herself thinking about a horse kicking her forehead, and shuddered at the thought -she wished that it would stay just that. She noticed that they haven't touched Ori's journal about the travels of the Company yet, and they were careful with answering questions regarding just that. But despite all of this, she finds herself straying from thoughts of white cities, horse lords, and beautiful green pastures.

For a while, she let herself do something she told herself not to do, for she couldn't help but stray at the thought of the beautiful blue eyes of the king.

* * *

 **So this chapter took longer to write, but don't worry : Boy, do I have plans for Helga and Thorin :D I don't even know if you should be excited or worried XD Anyways, tell me of what you think about this chapter, and I know that I was supposed to explain why Helga's OOC, but I got carried away! :D Expect the next chapter by this weekend ;) Also, thank you so much for your reviews, favorites, and follows! :) I see some people who's been following this story since Heart of Gold, and I'd like to say thank you very much for sticking around for this long! I just realized that I wrote Heart of Gold for roughly about a year and a half ago! Can you imagine?! :D**

 **~Gabrielle**


	11. Chapter 11

Tamara smirked at the scene before her.

Helga was sitting down, her hand supporting her head as she stared into nothingness while Ori blabbered on about the great city of Minas Tirith, the capital of Gondor. Out of all of the lessons Tamara took, History was the one that she dreaded most. But her father had been an ambitious man, and his plan was to get his eldest daughter married to a lord or someone with high stature, preferrably one with royal blood -so Tamara had no choice but to bear through it. It's been a week since Helga regained her memories about Bombur, and Tamara decided that visiting the Company would become a daily routine, and every visit, she would remember something small about each member of the Company. She remembered dancing with Bofur in a firelit room while singing one of her favorite songs from her tribe when Bofur hummed it once. She remembered that she got mixed up with Ori and Nori's names on her first night in the Company, when she saw the both of them together. She recalled how Dori was grumpy towards her outside of a smial. When she saw Dwalin sharpening his blade with a wet whetstone, she recalled that she was the one who taught him that. And once Balin showed a dragon tattoo on his forearm, she remembered that he was a friend of her grandmother's. He saved her from drowning in one of his travels, and that he gave her away during her grandmother's wedding. Tamara couldn't be happier with Helga's progress, if not for the one thing that she observed. Besides the wizard and the hobbit, she has regained a bit of memory from each and every one of the members of the company except for one: Thorin.

He's been avoiding the Dragon Rider like the plague, and Tamara thinks that it's overly dramatic. He's been acting like a child, just by "missing" dinners and meals together. Can he not see that what he might be doing is the one thing that might be hindering Helga from recovering?

Her train of thoughts were broken when Ori called for Helga's attention.

"Helga? Are you still listening?" Ori asked, and Helga sat up and looked at Ori.

"Yes -yes, I'm still listening. I just remembered something when you mentioned Gondor." Helga said, her mind distant.

"What is it?" Tamara asked, and Helga looked at her, smiling as if she were remembering something funny.

"I just remembered that a boy was sweet to me during my days in Minas Tirith," Helga said, and huffed as she remembered something else. "And Ecthelion, the son of the steward of that city was just awful -an arrogant ass." Helga said, and Tamara giggled.

"Well, I'll have you know that that man, Ecthelion, is the lord of Minas Tirith, now." Tamara said, and Helga rolled her eyes.

"Valar, those poor people." Helga muttered, and Ori chuckled, placing down his spectacles.

"He has a son, too. His name is Denethor." Ori said, and Helga, who put her feet up, laughed out loud.

"Oh, the poor woman who bore his child!" She said, laughing. "Oh, how I pray that this Denethor won't be as foolish as his father!" Helga said, until the heard a crash from the back of the library. Ori immediately got to his feet, followed by what sounded like Amren's voice.

"What on Arda did you do?!" He exclaimed.

"I was bored while you were away." Kili's nonchalant voice followed. Tamara was about to leave and see what happened when a courier approached her, a letter in his hands.

"Your majesty, this is for you." He said, and Tamara suddenly seemed like a dwarfling who was told that she had a gift. She took the letter from the courier, thanked him without even looking at him, and tore through the envelope. Tamara had to sit down, a small smile forming on her face as she started to read the letter.

 _My dearest Tamara,_

 _How are things there in the East? Is your husband treating you well? I do not care if he is the king. If he as so much as harms a hair on your head, I will ride to Erebor to beat him up myself._

 _Do you really have to live across Middle Earth? There is not a day that I don't miss you. I have to wait for three weeks for your reply, and I cannot stand it. Tamara, you are the only one I could confide to about these matters. As much as I love your sister dearly, she cannot match your wit and strength when it comes to political matters. I am trying to get the council here in Ered Luin to reclaim the Grey Mountains. Some say that there is nothing there, but I disagree. I believe that there is something there, Tamara. It's not a barren mountain as our people claim it is -I can feel it. But I can't convince enough people to get the votes for an expedition. And guess how many votes I still need? You guesses right, I need two more votes, and they both belong to Rumíl and his lackey. They despise me as if I were a goblin from the Misty Mountains._

 _Anyways, your sister is begging me to take a break. She's planning to visit the Blue Mountains in a few weeks, and she wants me to come with her. I can't go, because I need to focus on my work. If I don't get enough votes, I might lose my seat in the council. My dearest, Tamara, be my guidance. How in Arda do I get out of this mess?_

 _Yours truly,_

 _Belor_

 _P.S. Your birthday is nearing. Anything I can get you?_

Helga looked at Tamara, who had a smile on her face as she kept re-reading the letter she recieved.

"Tamara? Are you alright?" Helga asked, and Tamara jumped, holding the letter close to her chest.

"Oh, yes. I'm alright," She said, and she smiled sadly, "It's my-... brother-in-law from Ered Luin. He wrote to me again." Tamara said, and Helga smiled.

"Are you close?" Helga asked, and Tamara just smiled.

"We are, in a way," Tamara said, and Helga leaned forward, and was about to ask more, when Tamara pocketed her letter and stood up, taking Helga's hand. "Come, I can see that Ori's history lessons bore you." Tamara said, smirking. Helga was stammering, trying to find an excuse as they fled from the library. The queen just giggled.

"Do not worry," She assured the Dragon Rider. "I did not like History that much, too."

"Master Ori is a great scribe, that I don't deny," Helga assured the queen, not meaning to cause any offense. "But what he is teaching is not what I really want to remember." She explained, as they strolled towards a balcony.

"Then what is it you want to know?" Tamara asked.

"Well, I know that I do not remember much about it, but I feel my time with the Company was a huge part of my life," Helga said, looking into the distance. "I know that it was only a year or so, but I think that it was the most important journey I have ever made in my life." Helga looked back at the queen, who was smiling.

"Then it must be a good thing that we visit them everyday. You seem to recall more and more memories each day." Tamara said, but she can see that Helga was still troubled with something.

"Yes, I guess it is, but..." Helga trailed off, leaning on the raillings of the balcony.

"But?" Tamara asked, going beside Helga. The Dragon Rider seemed to hesitate for a while before she managed to say what was on her mind.

"Have I been disrespectful to Thorin or had any disagreements with him during the quest?" Helga asked, and Tamara was about to answer when a voice beat her to it.

"Disagreement is an understatement." The voice said, and the women turned to see Kili and Amren standing there.

"How did you manage to get away from Ori?" Tamara asked, and Kili just shrugged.

"I told him the I saw some child's snot in the original copy of records dating 200 years ago," Kili said, and Tamara shook her head as Kili went beside Helga and leaned on the raillings. "Anyways, back to what I was saying. You and uncle did not just disagree. No, no, no! The two of you had an arguement every single day!"

"The two of you bickered like children." Amren added

"Over the smallest of things!" Kili exclaimed.

"There was one time, you got fed up with Thorin that you smacked his water canteen down."

"Oh, Bathala." Helga said, closing her eyes and turning away from the two boys.

"Oh yes!" Kili exclaimed. "That's what he got for not waking you up one time in camp. He nearly left you that time."

"Does he really despise me that much?" Helga suddenly asked, and the boys realized that despite their attempts to joke with Helga, she ended up getting hurt.

"Err-..."

"No, I don't think so."

"He must be over it."

"I wouldn't think that he hates you anymore."

"Despise is such a strong word."

Despite their attempts to assure the Dragon Rider, her mind started to connect everything. Her heart must have been racing not because of his piercing eyes, but maybe out of fury or nervousness. He looked at her like that maybe out of annoyance. Maybe she has misread everything she felt towards the king, and instead of an attraction, maybe she felt anger towards him.

"Whatever did I do to make him hate me so?" Helga asked out loud, and Kili and Amren were about to assure her that Thorin didn't hate her, when Tamara suddenly held a hand up to them, and they stopped.

"Helga, I'm sure that he get over your little feud." Tamara said, but Helga was still connecting things in her mind.

"Is it because I am a dragon rider? He felt repulsed because I am a friend of a dragon?" Helga asked, and this time, she sounded like she just heard something preposterous.

"Err-, that was one of the reasons, yes." Kili said, and at the same time, Tamara nudged him with her elbow, and Amren smacked him from the back of the head.

"Argh-, that racist-" Helga said, slamming her dist down to the stone railling, making Kili and Amren stop. "I know that he is your husband, but how dare he accuse my race for what his grandfather brought? My race was just caught in the crossfire!" Helga said, and Kili and Amren backed off, not wanting to be burnt by the Dragon Rider's anger.

"Helga, I'm sure that the both of you managed to sort things out before you got to Erebor." Tamara said, sitting Helga down to let her cool down.

"I don't know what you find in him, Tamara, but if he still hold that grudge against me, you better slap some sense into that husband of yours." Helga grumbled, and Tamara suddenly had an idea -a brilliant one.

"Why don't you sort it out yourselves?" Tamara asked, and Helga looked at the queen, brow raised with a looked that asked her if she was joking. "There was a delivery today, from an old friend of the Company named Beorn. He makes the best Honeyed Mead, and he gives it to the kingdom by barrels. So, I was thinking, since the Company are in a dire need of a reunion, I will organize a dinner for all of the members of the Company. Strictly members of the Company only, mind you. They might have inside stories that I might not get." Tamara said, and Helga's brows shot up to her hairline.

"Are you serious? If you won't get it, then I won't! If you remember, I don't have my memories!"

"Exactly! That is why this is a great opportunity for you, Helga! This might make you remember your time with the Company!" Tamara said, praising herself for thinking of such a brilliant idea that will not only benefit the Company, but Helga and Thorin as well. It was genius!

But for Helga, she had a feeling that it was just a recipe for disaster.

* * *

 **So, is Tamara right and it's pure genius? Or do you think that Helga's right? ;)**

 **~Gabrielle**


	12. Chapter 12

**May you enjoy reading this chapter as I enjoyed writing it XD**

* * *

"Do I really have to go?" Helga asked as she changed into a dress that Tamara gave her. The queen just sat outside of the Dragon Rider's bath chamber. Ever since that breakfast with the king, he had comissioned a room for her -one that had her own bath chamber and her own living room.

"It seems that the king is pampering you. Hosue and I have to sleep on the floor just to give Amren and Alvor a place to sleep in." Malkus joked, and Helga used to let a small part of her believe that, until she learned from Kili and Amren that the king and her did not get along.

"Unfortunately, there will be no backing out," The queen said, crossing one leg over the other and swinging that foot back and forth as she leaned back on her arms. "They will not start until you arrive, and you know how cranky we dwarves get when we are hungry."

"Can you say that I have my own womanly problems? Like the Red River's time?" Helga asked, and Tamara let out a loud laugh. Red River.

"Is it?" Tamara asked, and there was a short pause, followed by an answer.

"No." Helga answered, which was followed by a sigh.

"Then get out of that bath chamber and let me see how you look!" Tamar exclaimed, followed by a click from the bathroom door. The door opened, and Helga came out, wearing an emerald green dress, which suited well with her hair and with her personality -and earthly color for an earthly woman.

"I am not wearing a corset." Helga said, holding the corset on one hand, and Tamara smiled.

"You will wear a corset!" Tamara, who took the cream colored corset from Helga's hand and wrapping it around the dragon rider's waist. "This will make the dress hug your body in all the right places!" She said, as she started lacing and Helga started fidgeting.

"And who am I supposed to attract there? If your idea even works, then it will be like chatting with old friends, plus one dwarf who doesn't like me." Helga said, and Tamara ignored the last comment.

"Bofur's been friendly to you." Tamara stated.

"He has a lass -her name is Astrid."

"Bifur?"

"You've got to be joking."

"Nori?"

"He's too silent and there's something secretive with him."

"How about Dwalin?"

"Bathala, no!" Helga exclaimed as Tamara finished lacing her corset, and both women laughed. "Dwalin's idea of courting a woman is to give her weapons and knuckle dusters! He'll crush me in bed!" And that was enough to make both women laugh until they could not manage to breathe anymore.

* * *

When Helga opened the door, she found the dwarves and her nephews scattered in their own parts of the room, some holding pints of the mead that Beorn gave, and some just chatting with whoever they were talking to. What Tamara said was true -they really would not start without her.

"Ah, here's our favorite lass!" Bofur said, who probably had a pint or two, now, exclaimed, and everyone cheered. They might have known her for a long time, but she has just known them for a week, and it flattered her to know that they cared for her in this way. Bofur was the first one to go to her and drag her by the arm. "Don't be shy! We were just waiting for you!"

"Aye, lass," Dwalin said, as the dwarves and her nephews crowded the table set in the middle of the room. "Let us eat!" The room was actually pretty cozy. It had a fire place, and there were carpets, plushy chairs, and barrels of what seemed like the honeyed mead beside the chairs. And there were only three walls, the supposed fourth one being open and leading to a balcony. Her eyes scanned among the group of dwarves, looking for a raven haired dwarf, and it was not long enough until their eyes found each other.

But only for a while, before he turned away.

They decided that the table they would be using would be a round table, for despite Thorin being a king and a leader, he wanted all of them to treat each other as equals -no using of titles and formalities, just like how old friends were supposed to treat each other.

Dinner had been more than excellent. Bombur's apprentice had been the one to handle the kitchens for this meal, and the rotund dwarf had been more than proud with his apprentice. During their meal, they talked, laughed, and drank over their stories and fond memories, and Helga was starting to remember each of them, as if she was seeing the memories in front of her.

"I remember when your auntie had it with you in Beorn's house!" Dwalin said, pointing his pint to the Alvor, who just hid behind his hands as he laughed with the Company.

"Valar, do not remind me." He said, and the Company laughed even more.

"Why, afraid to remember the time that I handed you your arse?" Helga asked, her head buzzing with the two pints she had consumed. The Company cheered at this, and Helga even saw the Dwarven king smile.

He looks so much younger when he smiles.

Once dinner was done, the Company settled in the softer chairs, either gambling, smoking their pipes, or retelling old war stories. That was when Helga brought out his flute and started to play a familiar tune. Helga looked up and she smiled impishly at the hatted dwarf.

"Oh, not this again!" She exclaimed, and the Company laughed and cheered at her.

"I'm not asking you again!" Bofur said, as he stood up on the table, flute in hand. All of the Company cheered on her to sing, and Helga, laughed, stepping on her chair and standing on the table. The Company bursts in cheers as Helga flipped her hair back and took the sides of her skirts in her hands, ready to dance. As Bofur started to play the first note, Helga's voice started to fill the room.

 _I'll swim and sail on savage seas_

 _with ne'er a fear of drowning._

 _And gladly ride the waves of life_

 _if you will marry me._

 _No scorching sun, nor freezing cold_

 _Will stop me on my journey_

 _If you will promise me your heart._

 _And love_ _me for eternity._

With that, Helga pointed her toe downwards bending a bit towards that side, waiting for a dance partner. She was surprised when it was Dwalin was the one who stepped up, stomping up the table as he sang.

Valar, Dwalin **was** drunk.

 _My dearest one, my darling dear,_

 _your mighty words astound me._

 _But I've no need of mighty deeds_

 _when I feel your arms around me._

Helga smiled as she started to dance with Dwalin, going in circles as they sang.

 ** _But I would bring you rings of gold,_**

 ** _I'd even sing you poetry!_**

 ** _And I would keep you from all harm_**

 ** _If you would stay beside me!_**

 _I have no use for rings of gold,_

 _I care not for your poetry._

 _I only want your hand to hold..._

At this point, Helga was holding one of Dwalin's hands as they danced together

 ** _I only want you near me!_**

 _To_ _ **love**_ _and_ _ **kiss**_ _, to_ _ **sweetly**_ _hold!_

 ** _For_** _the_ _ **dancing**_ _and_ _ **the**_ _dreaming!_

 ** _Through_** _all_ _ **life's**_ _sorrows_ _ **and**_ _delights,_

 ** _I'll_** _keep_ _ **your**_ _love i_ _ **nside**_ _me!_

 ** _I'll_** _swim_ _ **and**_ _sail_ _ **on**_ _savage_ _ **seas**_

 _with_ _ **ne'er**_ _a_ _ **fear**_ _of_ _ **drowning**_ _!_

 ** _And_** _gladly_ _ **ride**_ _the_ _ **waves**_ _of_ _ **life**_

 _If_ _ **you**_ _will_ _ **marry - aah! Put me down!**_

Dwalin ended up carrying Helga over his shoulders as he spun around, and the everyone was laughing, and Fili and Kili laughed so hard, they ended up falling backwards from their chairs. Dwalin hopped off the table and set Helga down, who was laughing hard. She placed a kiss on Dwalin's cheek, and giggled when he turned red as a tomato. She sat back down on her chair, downing what was left from her pint, before Bofur started a new song. However, Helga noticed someone who was missing from them -there was a lack of raven haired dwarves in the room, and Helga spotted him by the balcony, talking with Balin. She approached them, just in time for Balin to leave the king be. Helga, who had two pints in her hands, approached the brooding dwarf.

"Can't the state matters wait?" Helga asked, and she swore she saw him jump, even just for a bit, but there was no response from him. Helga went beside Thorin, placing a tankard on the stone railings and pushing it towards Thorin, but he did not accept it. Not this time. "Have I done something wrong, Thorin?" She asks, and Thorin still does not speak. He just stares straight into the horizon, as if he was more interested in seeing that. "You have to help me out here, I don't exactly remember everything -especially not about you, since you never speak to me." Helga said, trying to make light of it, but they both know that there was nothing funny or amusing about what she said.

"I heard from our nephews that we had some disagreements during the journey. I understand that, being a Dragon Rider, but -"

"It would be better if you stayed away from me, Helga." He simply said, looking at Helga, and it broke his heart to see disappointment in her eyes. Was she expecting something from him? Something romantic, perhaps, if not friendly?

"Why? Can we not settle our differences? I know your people might think that my people had caused Smaug's attack, but that does not mean that we can't at least be friends." Helga argued, and Thorin was about to walk away, when Helga held his arm.

"Hey, I have a right to know!" Helga said, going around to face Thorin, stopping him from entering the room. "I have a right to know why it is you stray from me as if I were the plague! Am I that displeasing to you?" Helga asked.

 _You have no idea how untrue that is._ Thorin thought. But Helga saw neither anger nor annoyance in his eyes, but some form of deep hurt. Thorin did not answer her once more, and simply went around her to rejoin the Company. After their small confrontation, Helga and Thorin seemed to be in a more gloomier mood. Thorin let himself go this one night and drank more than what he usually drank during parties, and Helga just sat with the Company, although her smile and laughs did not reach her eyes. By the time that laughter died down and drowsiness seeped in their minds, Helga took this as her cue to leave. Bidding those half conscious goodbye, she left the room, going down the same hallway she came from. Somewhere further down the hallway, she heard a loud crash. Helga half jogged towards the sound and found the dwarf king kneeling there, a broken vase and turned over side table lying beside him. He looked up at her and placed a finger on his lips.

"Shhhh." He said, and he started to laugh.

He was drunk.

Helga sighed in frustration and went around him, not even making a move to help him up. She really planned on leaving him there until dawn came, until he grabbed her foot, although he did not look up. He seemed to be dizzy.

"Please help me."

* * *

Thorin and Helga stumbled down the corridor, one drunk and the other one being weighed down by the other who tried to help. Unfortunately, it is not the woman who was the damsel in distress at the moment, but the mighty King Under the Mountain -who was brought down by pints of ale. Thorin had his arm around Helga, as she half walked and half dragged the drunk king towards his quarters. The rest of the dwarves were either passed out drunk, or too inebriated to understand her, so it was all up to her to bring the king to his quarters where he was safe, lest an assassin drops by or a passerby makes a scandal of the scene.

"Wife, you needn't drag me- I can walk," Thorin said, his speech slurred as he tried to stand up properly, but ended up falling down on his knees. "S'there an earthquake?" He asked, and Helga sighed at this impossible dwarf. She went to Thorin's side and squatted down, trying to help him kneel.

"Come on, on your feet." Helga said, wrapping his left arm once more around her neck. Thorin tried standing up, falling once more without Helga's help. Helga let out a frustrated sigh before helping him stand up, half carrying and half supporting him and grunting from his weight.

"Bathala, you're heavy." Helga said, and Thorin gave her a smirk.

"Are you saying that I'm fat and ugly, wife?" He asked, and Helga huffed as she started walking with him and guiding him down the hall.

"First of all, I am not your wife! She's in your room, down the hall, probably worried sick why you haven't showed up yet," Helga explained. "And second, I'm not calling you fat and ugly! But I sure will if you don't get your arse moving! King or not, if you don't start walking properly, I'm leaving you." Helga said, and Thorin let out a loud laugh, and Helga realized that she never heard him laugh like this. It was a true laugh, as if he was really having fun.

"There's the woman I love," Thorin said, leaning towards Helga, who didn't know how the next events happened. It all happened so fast. He leaned towards her and managed to pin her to the wall, his body closer than what propriety demands. The hand that was hooked around her neck for support was now wrapped around her shoulder. One of his legs stood in between hers, and his other hand was cupping her jaw. "My feisty Dragon Rider." He murmured, before he pressed his lips to hers. He was devouring her as if he were a thirsty man. He, in fact, is a thirsty man -he longed for the taste and the warmth of her lips once more, and oh how long he was deprived from it. Helga was too shocked to do anything else, for what the king did made her jaw slack. Thorin took this as a sign that she was enjoying it, and plunged his tongue into her mouth, licking her upper lip and pulling her closer to him. For a moment, Helga forgot about propriety. She forgot about her guilt for having these feelings for the king, despite not knowing why. For a while, Helga felt something within her take over her whole body. One hand cupped the king's jaw as the other one tangled itself in his dark, wavy locks, pulling at it as she kissed back. She found herself closing her eyes, the taste of Honeyed Mead on the king's mouth giving her visions of the king's mouth on hers flashing before her. Visions of a starry night outside a cabin, where she first had a taste of the king's lips. It tasted of the same Honeyed mead they consumed awhile ago. The sensation of Thorin's lips on hers made a though pop out at the back of her mind -she had a feeling that the king kissed her more than once in this manner, and in different areas of her body. It made sense to her now, why he was avoiding her the past weeks -to prevent things like this from happening.

Helga knew that this was too good to be true -all of this, including the visions she saw, were nothing but the results of her imaginative mind and her small puppy love for the king. Helga knew that this had to stop before she could get him and Tamara hurt -before she gets herself hurt. As hard as it was for her to do it, she pulled at Thorin's hair, and she didn't notice how his kiss managed to travel down to her neck. She opened her eyes and she looked at Thorin straight in the eye, both of them panting heavily from long suppressed desire and lack of air. For a moment, Helga saw longing and love in the king's eyes, and Helga couldn't bring herself to believe it. She thought up of many reasons why she shouldn't: it's just her imagination, it's just the alcohol, she'll just get hurt if she believes in it and realizes that it wasn't real. As she came into a realization in what she did with the king -with Thorin, she did the only thing that she knew was plausible.

She pushed Thorin, enough to release her from his grip, and fled, wiping her tears away.

* * *

 **So that just happened XD**

 **Anyways, I've been thinking about another story after this one. Lately, I've been obsessed with two ideas; Boromir and a dark!Helga. So for the Boromir thing, I was thinking about the child of Thorin and a certain blonde beauty (but which blonde am I talking about? Helga or Tamara :D ) during the time of Lord of the Rings. Then as for dark!Helga, I was thinking that what if Thorin did something to hurt Helga, and she fled with hatred in her, and Sauron captured her, used this hate and twisted it to make her an ally -especially with the newfound dragon eggs in Ithilien. The she bred the dragons of the Nazgul, the Fellowship and Erebor were finding these dragons to be a nuisance, and then they realized that it was all Helga's doing and all eyes turn to Thorin XD I don't know, what do you think?**

 **Anyways, tell me what you think about this chapter, too! :) I know a lot of you have been waiting for this moment. I know, finally, Thorin did something! XD**

 **~Gabrielle**


	13. Chapter 13

_My dearest Belor,_

 _You must sit down with Rumil and find a compromise. Knowing you, you have the ability to talk them out of this. Do not stop until they agree. If you feel that you are alone in this, always remember that there is someone for you here across the continent. The letter I recieved from you two weeks ago, I noticed a comma in a middle of a phrase. You've written 'My dearest, Tamara.' It changed the meaning. Did you intend this?_

"One stroke and you've consumed my waking days." Tamara said, smiling and making her heart race as she recalled what he wrote there.

 _Anyway, as for my birthday, it is so kind that you remember. Thorin is not a lot of fun, but he has been treating me well and keeping me in comfort. Although, despite all of that, I doubt that he will remember that my birthday is nearing. I'm afraid that you cannot get me the one thing I want. I wish to travel around Middle Earth once more, and now as a queen, I cannot travel for leisure anymore. But if you really insist on getting me something for my birthday, I think that what you can do for me is take a break. My sister may be right with what she is saying. Political matters can be poisonous to the mind. Believe me, I see it in my husband everyday. For yours, Torunn's, and your child's sake, please take a break. Go with Torunn to the Blue Mountains, and spend time with her. It would be good for the both of you._

Tamara stopped at that, a sad smile gracing her lips.

 _With all my love,_

 _Tamara_

Just in time, Tamara heard her husband shift in their bed, the blanket falling off the bed to reveal a chiseled chest, and hair gracing it. Tamara immediately rolled her letter and sealed it before going outside and handing it to the raven that was waiting for her. Turning around and entering their bedroom once more, she jumped when she saw Thorin sitting on their bed, his elbows resting in his knees as he rubbed his face and groaned.

"What were you doing out there?" Thorin asked, and Tamara went to the table near the fireplace, where there was a tray of water and medicine for the king's headache.

"Am I forbidden to get some fresh air every once in a while?" Tamara asked, placing the tray on their bedside table and handing Thorin the medicine he needed. He drank it, cringing from the taste, and washed it down with water. Tamara sat beside him, resting her elbows on her legs.

"So, what happened last night?" Tamara asked, and Thorin groaned, falling back to the bed and pressing his hands on his forehead. "I take it that it did not go well." Tamara sighed, sitting cross legged on the bed and facing her husband. "Did you at least talk to her?"

"Aye, I did." He mumbled, and Tamara smiled.

"And?" She asked, excited to learn if her plan either worked or failed.

"And I told her to stay away from me." He said, and Tamara's smile dropped into a frown. Outside, the guards that were stationed could hear the outburst of the queen.

"WHAT?!" She shouted. It was followed by what sounded like a series of slaps. "YOU STUPID DWARF!"

-*-

Malkus entered the breakfast hall, annd saw that he was the only one there, except for the servants and guards that stood by.

"Is everyone else done?" He asked one of the servants, and the servant shook his head.

"You are the first one to arrive here, my lord." He said, and Malkus raised a brow.

"Huh." He said, sitting down and taking some of his food. Later on, Hosue entered, his strides long and quick to the table.

"Have you seen Helga?" Hosue asked, sitting down across his brother, who just shook his head no. He sighed at his brother's enthusiasm when it comes to eating. Give him food, and he won't be able to focus on a single thought. "She wasn't in her room when I knocked."

"So what?" Malkus said, stuffing his mouth with bread and eggs. "She's a grown woman. She can handle herself."

"You are as stupid as a mountain troll, you know that? And they call you a king! A king!" Was a voice that rung down the opposite corridor. The brothers turned to see the queen walking angrily towards the breakfast table, with the king behind her, shielding his eyes from the sunlight in the room. The king sat down at the head of the table, rubbing his temple. Tamara could not stand this anymore.

"Excuse me, gentlemen, but I will not dine with you this morning. I will eat my meal with Helga in her room." Tamara said, and she was about to head out when Hosue called her.

"Wait! Helga is not in her room!" Hosue said, and Tamara turned to look at the brown haired dragon rider.

"Then where is she?" Tamara asked, looking back and forth between Thorin and Hosue.

"We do not know. We have not seen her since last night," Hosue said, and they all looked at Thorin. "And as I recall, the last person she's been with that's in this room is you, Thorin."

"What happened last night, Thorin?" Malkus asked, standing to look at the dwarf king.

-*-

The moment Helga dropped face flat on her bed, she was not able to sleep a wink. Her mind raced back to the events of last night, where she had a taste of the dwarf king's lips. Oh, if Tamara knew, she would have her head! What she did could be punishable here in this kingdom, and Helga could not shake off the feeling that she has tainted herself in the eyes of the Company, even if they do not know. What she did was wrong.

But why did his lips feel so right on hers?

And those images she saw on her head did not help with her conflict. Was this not the first time she and the dwarf king shared a kiss? Did he not despise her? Was he not the one who told her to go away?

Suddenly, Helga realized that she would have him hate her rather than having him return the feelings she held for him, even though they cannot be together. It would pain her more to stay in this hopeless situation rather than to have Thorin spurn her. So early in the morning, Helga set out, wearing a tunic and trousers, heading to the library first. She went through the hallways, and through the aisles of shelves until she reached the small room thy used for their history lessons. She removed the stacks of books until she reached the book at the very bottom --a black leather bound journal that was worn out from use. They were saving that journal for last, but Helga needed answers. She wanted to silence her doubts immediately and be done with it. Carefully, she opened the journal, coming across the first few pages. It told her of how the Company was born, and when they set out for Erebor. There were small sketches, here and there, along with the entries. There were sketches for each of the members of the Company, and Helga recognized most of them, except for a male with curly hair, which she guessed was the hobbit. She saw a sketch of her dancing with Bofur around a hearth, a sketch of her nephews, and a sketch of her and Thorin. Helga stopped as she saw it. It looked like a balcony that overlooked Esgaroth and the rest of the lake. In the sketch, they were leaning on the raillkngs, looking into each others arms while she smoked a pipe, both of them screaming love throught their eyes. It occupied the whole page, and at the back, she saw a small scribble.

By the request of his Majesty, King Thorin Oakenshield.

Helga then felt tears falling from her eyes, but those tears didn't feel right. Helga continued to read, until she reached the page of her death.

 _Helga Skyrunner died in the arms of King Thorin Oakenshield. She had obtained these wounds while defending our Majesty from Azog the Defiler. There are no words to describe the sorrow of the king that day, for she was his betrothed, and was soon to be queen of Erebor._

"No, no, no," Helga muttered, crying from both cofusion and an unknown sadness. "This can't be me." Her knowledge about her and Thorin felt so surreal. It was hard for her to think that she was a woman of importance to the Company. It felt like that woman was a whole different person. Leaving the book open, sbe stormed out of the library, heading for the training arena.

Using a steel sword, she hacked and slashed at an imaginary enemy. With every blow downwards, she let out a shout, along with all of her frustrations. She did not even realize that there was already sunlight outside of the mountain until a voice interrupted her.

"Using a dummy wouldn't grant you any satisfaction, you know," A voice said, and she turned to see, out of all the crratures in Middle Earth, a red haired elf standing there. Helga just huffed and continued to hack away at the dummy, ignoring the elf. Judging by how she wore, she looked like an elf from Mirkwood, and even though she knows that it has been years since the Mirkwood incident, it felt like it happened recently. "If you're going to let your anger out through a sword, at least do it with some grace."

"Talk to me again, elf, and you'd get the fight that you're asking for." Helga muttered, thoughts of Thorin leaving her mind and replaced by the anger she felt at the elf.

"Then you are not the same woman I came across during your tme with the Company." If not for the elf's sharp senses and quick reflexes, she would have been wounded from the dragon rider's attack.

"Do not compare me to that woman on the journey with Thorin Oakenshield!" Helga exclaimed, landing blows on the elf, which she blocked without effort.

"You are not yourself, Helga!" Tauriel said, as she started to fight back, her moves graceful compared to the dragon rider's swings. Helga couldn't keep up with the elf's speed, and she ended up losing her weapon and pinned down under the elf's blade. Helga and the elf looked at each other, one trying to find a lost soul while the other glaring daggers. Helga then scrambled to her knees, running out of the training area, brushing past her cousin. He stopped Tauriel as she tried to go after the dragon rider.

"Don't," He said, holding Tauriel's arm. Hosue looked at the elf with an unreadable expression. "She lets out the frustration from a troubled mind through a sword."

"Why is she acting this way? I never really met her, but I can tell that she is not herself." Tauriel said, her brows furrowing.

"She has always been like this," Hosue said. "All of you expect her to be the Helga that journeyed with Thorin Oakenshield. None of you ever thought that to her, that Helga never existed. As much as she tries to bring it back, that Helga is forever lost to the world. What you're seeing now is Helga, the dragon rider who just lost her people and her dragon. It is a side of her that we have never seen before." Hosue explained.

"It is a shame. I always wanted to get to k ow her."

"I would not become too attached to her, if I were you." Hosue told her.

"And why is that?"

"My brother and I will be leaving soon, and we will be taking Helga with us." Hosue said, as he started to walk away, but Tauriel went after him.

"Why will you take her? She belongs here!" Tauriel exclaimed, and Hosue instantly turned to her.

"My cousin does not belong here! This place has brought her nothing but pain and anguish. If her dying for that undeserving dwarf is not a good enough example, then I do not know what else is. She is better off away from this mountain and away from Thorin Oakenshield, and I would drag her away if I had to." Tauriel was taken aback by the words of Hosue. He usually was calm and collected, and she never knew that Helga's cousin felt this way. Tauriel looked back at the retreating form of the dragon rider, praying to the Valar to shed some light on this turmoil.

-*-

Helga was sitting on the stone raillings of the balcony, deep in thought, when her cousin saw her.

"There you are," He said, going beside his cousin, setting down the bag he brought to his side. "I've been looking all over for you." He said, and Helga did not answer.

"What seems to be the matter, cousin?" He asked.

"I am fine, Malkus. I just have a lot in my head right now." She said, and Malkus gently nudged her side.

"You can always tell me anything." Malkus said. There was a short silence before Helga spoke.

"Why are we staying here, Malkus?" She suddenly asked. "We are dragon riders --we live and breath the fresh air and the open fields. We do not cope in a hole underground." Helga said, looking into the distance.

"We could have left anytime, you know." Malkus said thoughtfully.

"Then what is stopping us?" Helga asked, and Malkus smiled.

"You seemed so happy with the Company. We haven't seen you for nearly a hundred years, Helga, and the first time we saw you smile was with them. We couldn't just ask you to leave." Malkus said, looking at his cousin, but she wasn't smiling. There was a long silence before any of them spoke.

"I wasn't supposed to tell you this. We were waiting for you to get your thoughts sorted out, but I guess you'd eventually figure out," Malkus said, and Helga still did not budge. "We found petrified dragon eggs in Gondor." Malkus said, and Helga slowly turned to her cousin, immediately.

"What did you say?"

"We only followed a hunch and rumors. We scouted Ithilien, and we found Dragon Eggs there, in a secluded and hidden underground cave. There were a lot in there, Helga, you should have seen it." He said, and he reached down for his bag and carefully brought out a large, black, egg. It was half the size of her torso, and Helga had to wrap her arms around it as Malkus gently handed it to her. Helga looked at it with glassy eyes and placed it on her lap. She rest her forehead on it, closing her eyes as she let her tears fall.

"They're just rocks at the moment, of course, but with your help, we can raise them once more --bring back the race of the dragon riders," Malkus said. "That is if you want to go."

"Of course I want to, but," Helga said, pausing and looking at the dragon egg on her lap. "You are right. The Company brings me happiness and I have grown close to them. I do not know how to say goodbye."

"We do not have to leave immediately," Malkus assured her. "We can stay until Prince Fili's wedding, if you want." Malkus suggested, and Helga smiled.

"Fili is getting married?" She asked, and Malkus laughed.

"It's what everybody's been talking about these past weeks!" Malkus exclaimed, and looked at his cousin, who seemed deep in thought.

"I will think about our departure, cousin. Give me time."


	14. Chapter 14

**This is just going to be a filler chapter, mostly about Tamara and Belor. I know this is not Helga related, but this chapter is important for Tamara's character, I swear :) Some of you were wondering about Tamara, and her character and motives will be clarified in this chapter.**

* * *

 _My dearest Tamara,_

 _Your letter arrived a week late and Torunn had left for the Blue Mountains, now. She mentioned that she might travel to Erebor once she's done visiting the Blue Mountains. If you really do wish me to go with your sister, then I shall follow her and meet her in Erebor once my proposal is done. I thank you, Tamara, for always being there to give me advices on political matters. Even before that, I thank you for introducing me to your sister, for she is also what relieves me from the stress._

 _You never did get to answer my question about you and your husband. He has not been abusing you in any way, has he? If he is, then I pray that you tell me, and if not me, then someone you trust in Erebor. I really do miss you, Tamara, and I pray that we may meet once more. The distance between the both of us is far too depressing, don't you think? I shall be waiting for your reply._

 _With love,_

 _Belor_

* * *

 _Dearest Belor,_

 _Goodness, Thorin is not that kind of a dwarf! He takes good care of me, I promise, but I must admit that I am unhappy -unsatisfied, even. There is no denying that there is no love of that sort between Thorin and I. We are merely friends. I know that I should at least be thankful for that, but can you blame me for wanting to feel love?_

 _As for my sister, you are most welcome. I can see that she really does love you. Even if I cannot find love in this world, I am happy she did and I am even more so that it was with you. I ask you to cherish her as she does to you. You should consider yourself a very lucky dwarf._

 _I shall be waiting for your arrival here in Erebor, and I pray that the days go by sooner._

 _Love,_

 _Tamara_

* * *

 _Dear Torunn,_

 _How is your visit in the Blue Mountains? I heard from Belor that you will be visiting Erebor, too. I cannot wait for that day. I have not seen you since I was wed to Thorin. That must be five years ago. Has it really been that long? It felt like ages ago. How is my nephew doing? Not being much of a nuisance, I hope. I will wait for your letter._

 _From your dearest sister,_

 _Tamara_

* * *

 _Dear Tamara,_

 _The Blue Mountains is just as I remembered from when we were still young dwarrowdams. Father is asking how you've been. He worries for you. He is asking when is it that you'll give him more grandsons and granddaughters! And Tor will never be a nuisance to me. Next to Belor, he is the love of my life._

 _I've been worrying these past days, sister. There have been rumors that have been spreading, and I do not know if it has reached Erebor, too. With Erebor being so big, I do not know if such a rumor would be of importance to your city. Anyways, I have been hearing that Belor has been seeing another dwarrowdam. They say that he has been seen sneaking in the streets at night, and that he would enter a door, and come out early in the morning. Should I be worried? I mean, it's just rumors. Your husband brushes it off like lint in a tunic. Please reply soon, Tamara. I could really use your advice._

 _Love,_

 _Torunn_

* * *

 _Dear Torunn,_

 _I am sure that they are just rumors. Treat them as pebbles being thrown at you a hundred feet away. No dwarf, man, or even elf, could have enough power to hurt you from that far. I knew Belor before you did, and believe me that he loves you. He wouldn't do such a thing. I know I told you to be careful of him, but I've seen it in his eyes that he cherishes you so. Come to Erebor, now. Let us meet soon and talk face to face. It seems that you need it._

 _Love,_

 _Tamara_

* * *

 _Tamara,_

 _I don't know if the new has reached Erebor yet, but an attempt on my life has been made. An assassin snuck in the middle of the night and was about to slit my throat. They've been calling me crazy for believing that there is something in the Grey Mountains, when they say that there is nothing there. I am now headed there. After my visit there, I will head straight for Erebor. Pray for my safety, and please do not tell Torunn, yet. I do not want to worry her._

 _Stay safe,_

 _Belor_

* * *

 _Tamara,_

 _I have stopped by Rohan for a while. You haven't answered my previous letter. Why is that? Has something happened? I am worried. Please answer as soon as you can._

 _Belor_

* * *

 _Tamara,_

 _I have arrived at the Grey Mountains. There is obviously something wrong, for you did not answer my letters. Can you tell me what it is? I miss receiving your letters._

 _Belor_

* * *

 _Tamara,_

 _I am not crazy as they say. I have found something at the valley behind the Grey Mountains. I saw a burnt down village, and there were graves nearly everywhere. It was as if the whole village died. Not only that, but I found traces of dragon skulls. Although it is not as large as Smaug's, but by the looks of it, it was big enough to ride. I think the rumors about Dragon Riders are true, Tamara. I think that they are the reason for Smaug, and I think that some of them are still alive. If they are still alive, we have to find them all and kill them -every single one of them. Who says that they won't do that once more to different dwarf kingdoms, or even kingdoms of men?! The Grey Mountains would not support me on this, so I will head for Erebor as soon as I send you this letter. I will arrive in around three or four days._

 _Belor_

* * *

Tamara sat in front of a fire place, the letter crumpling in her fisted hand, thoughts jumping from one thought to another. She looked at the sleeping figure that was her sister and her nephew and sighed a frustrated sigh. Belor will be arriving tomorrow afternoon, and Tamara planned on giving him the welcome that he deserves. Tomorrow, she will not be Tamara, sister of Torunn.

She will show everyone that she was Tamara, Queen of Erebor.

* * *

The gate opened to a lone rider on a pony, come early afternoon. He was not received by any guard, nor any page, and was just left alone. The dwarf decided to stop by the market to buy clean clothes, then by the inn to wash up. He then proceeded to the palace, where he knew his sister-in-law would be waiting for him. To his surprise, he was not the only one who was waiting for an audience with his sister-in-law. It turns out, there was a line of dwarves, and even men, who wanted to have a word with the King and Queen. So as not to be rude, he waited in line, until by dawn, he was finally able to see the King and Queen.

"Belor of Ered Nimrais." The guard announced, and he walked down the carpet towards where the king and queen sat. He smiled at Tamara, although he could see her frown. He stopped before the steps and bowed to the both of them, before standing up to find Tamara standing. He raised his arms and tried to take a step forward towards her.

"Tamara." As soon as he took a step towards her, swords were drawn and were pointed at him.

"You do not take a step further, lest the king or queen permits you to." The guard said, and Belor raised his hands in surrender.

"Tamara-"

"You will call the queen by her title, dwarf." The same guard warned him, and Belor looked back and forth between Tamara and the spear that was pointed at him.

"Your Highness, may I ask what seems to be the problem?" Belor asked, and Tamara seemed to glare down at him.

"What seems to be the problem, you ask?" Tamara asked, tears of rage and heartbreak in her eyes as Thorin held her arm. She shook her arm out of her husband's grasp and went down the steps with every point she made.

"This dwarf that stands before me and my husband; a dwarf that married my sister and promise himself to her; this dwarf that sired a child with her; this vermin that laid with another dwarrow not once, but on many accounts, dare ask me what seems to be the problem?!" She asked, reaching the base of the platform of the throne, standing in front of Belor, who seemed to be caught in surprise.

"You said it yourself, Tamara -they are only rumors." Belor said, and Tamara laughed a joyless laugh.

"Well, even if I said that, I had sent someone to investigate it for me, and would you deny it, even if she stands before you?" Tamara looked behind Belor, and he turned to see an all too familiar dwarrowdam standing there...

With a swollen belly.

"How did this happen?" Belor asked, taking a few steps towards the dwarrowdam.

"I think a dwarf of your age would know how this works, Belor." Tamara said, and Belor turned to Tamara, his hands shaking.

"Tamara, you have to understand. I was weak from the sleepless nights I had spent working, and with Torunn gone, I was not thinking straight. Then her husband caught me in the corner and made an offer that I could not simply refuse! It was an act of political sacrifice!" Belor exclaimed, and something seemed to snap in Tamara.

"Sacrifice?! Do not talk to me of sacrifice! You have no idea of the things that I have sacrificed in my life! I love my sister dearly, and you are a lucky dwarf to have her. She deserves so much more than what you gave, and now, you will live your life knowing that you can never make up to her. " Tamara said, turning her back on Belor and marched off to her quarters. As she walked away, she barely registered Thorin's command of imprisonment for Belor. All she could think about was how this man -the man she loved, betrayed her and her sister.

* * *

Thorin had a rough day, given his wife's outburst in the throne room. He had more than a bit to drink in his study, and he swayed a bit as he walked back to his room. As he witnessed that, he could not help but feel sad for Tamara. There was no love between them, except for the love of a friend, and even if that is what they feel, he could not help but feel guilty for loving her the way that she deserved to be loved. As he entered his quarters, he saw that the room was dimly lit, with only the fireplace to light the whole room. In front of it, she saw his wife, a blanket wrapped around her as she held a stack of papers in her hand. She pulled them out one by one, read it, and threw it into the fire place. He walked towards her and sat beside her, watching his wife burnt what seemed like letters from Belor. A heavy silence hung in between them as tears fell from Tamara's eyes.

"I loved him," Tamara said, her voice obviously weak from crying. "I gave up my heart so that he could do well by my sister and this is how he repays me? That bastard..." Tamara said, throwing the rest of the letters in the fire, until all that was left in her hand was one letter. She read it one last time, before throwing it into the fire with the others. When she first read that letter, she felt giddy and alive, but now, all she could feel was disgust towards Belor and herself. She took out a goblet and a wine bottle that he didn't see, and poured some in the goblet she held. She sipped from it and stared into the fire.

"I tried to help you and Helga, because I can't have the both of us be sad about what we have. I don't want the both of us to be miserable for the rest of our lives, and I saw how you looked at her, and it was like she was the only woman in the entire world." Tamara said, and Thorin took the goblet from her and drank from it, emptying its contents. He reached for the wine bottle and poured himself another drink.

"Why do you keep going away from Helga? You have a chance to be happy with her." Tamara asked, clutching her furs closer to her.

"It's a lot more complicated than you think, Tamara," He said, taking a swig from his goblet. "We are the king and queen of Erebor. If the time comes that Helga is discovered, I would end up being no better than Belor." He said thoughtfully.

"Then what happened to your promise to Helga? You were ready to marry her then and there, despite what your people will think of you. Whatever happened to that?" She asked.

"Because it is not right, given with the situation we're in right now," Thorin said, and looked at Tamara. "As a husband, I do not want to do wrong unto you -not like that dwarf did with your sister," Tamara then looked at Thorin, her eyes wide. "I know that we have no romance between each other, but you deserve more than what was given to you in your life, Tamara." He said, and Tamara just stared at him with an unreadable expression on her face. In a split second, Thorin found her lips upon his. Might it be the alcohol they had both consumed that night, or a change of heart? Whatever it was, it seemed to seep into his brain as he carried the woman that he had married and laid her down on the bed. That night was the only night the king and queen truly became husband and wife.

* * *

Morning came and Thorin woke up, his arms wrapped around his wife, and for the first time, he did not wish that it was Helga. He was happy and content with Tamara in his arms, and he could tell by the sleepy smile on her face that she was, too. Her eyelids fluttered open, and she shyly smiled at Thorin. They had shared a bed together for five years, but this was the only time that she had truly felt warmth and comfort in their bed. Thorin kissed his wife's forehead, and rested his against hers.

"I'm sorry that it took me this long to treat you the way you deserve to be treated." Thorin said, frowning as he looked at his wife's eyes.

"Well, that's one way to say 'good morning'." Tamara said, smiling and Thorin gave her a small smile.

"I promise that I'll try to fix our marriage." Thorin said, and Tamara smiled.

"We'll see how it goes, yeah?" Tamara asked, her smile bright. "You are a good man, Thorin, and if this marriage does not work the second time, then know that it is not your fault. It simply cannot be." Tamara said. That morning, the King and Queen were a bit late for breakfast than usual. As they sat down, everybody can see the change in their eyes. They were not the perfect image of a strong king and queen. Everybody saw that during their breakfast, they were like a newly married husband and wife. Everybody sees it...

Even a blonde-haired woman who felt like she not only lost her memories, but her heart, too.

* * *

 **You think that it would be that easy? ;) Helga had her time with Thorin, and it was high time that some of the attention is on Tamara, now. For those who still do not understand this chapter, I shall clarify.**

 **Tamara is a dwarf who sacrificed her love for a dwarf for her sister -that much we know. Some find it suspicious that she's actually rooting for Thorin and Helga, but all she wants to do is some good in the world. Then, she was devastated to learn that the love of her life is actually the kind of person who would cheat on you, so her whole life was a lie cuz she felt like she was responsible for her sister's heartbreak, too. Now, she has nothing left but a loveless marriage. So, Thorin realizes how sad she actually is, and decides to give his marriage another go because she deserves better. Tamara, in this chapter, is like "We'll give this another go, but if it doesn't work, then it doesn't."**

 **Honestly, I'm starting to like Tamara's character a bit :) But don't you worry, people! Next chapter will be about Helga and Fili's wedding! (Think I forgot about that? XD)**

 **Anyways, please tell me what you think about this chapter about Tamara :) And thank you for those who followed, favorited, and reviewed in my previous stories! (Especially Arianna Le Fay, Just4Me, and KashinaKairi who has been with me since Heart of Gold! Hugs and kisses to the three of you! ^_^)**

 **~Gabrielle**

 **P.S. While waiting, I made a new The Hobbit story. It's an Modern AU with reincarnations and everything! It's still Thorin, and something about his queen ;) Check it out while you wait for updates on this story.**


	15. Chapter 15

It was the most awaited event of the year -the wedding of Prince Fili and Princess Sigrid. Helga didn't think much of it, for she had a lot in her mind for the past weeks, but it didn't mean that the whole mountain wasn't preparing for it. Invitations had been long sent out and the guests for they wedding are expected to arrive within the week. Anyone who was anyone will be coming to watch for this wedding does not only represent the union of two great establishments, but it is also the union of two races. Men from Gondor and Rohan will be coming to witness this union, and this will be one of the grandest celebrations that Erebor will he holding.

But Helga's mood was far from a celebratory one.

She should be happy for Fili for finding the love of his life, and she should be haply for herself, for she would be leaving soon and she will soon start to raise dragons again. So why does she feel so torn? As much as she wants to leave, a part of her wants to stay.

Stay where? Here, with a man who once loved you and never will again? A voice inside her thought. She huffed and rolled to face the other side of her bed, where the dragon egg lays and behind it, a view of the horizon. When they set her and her family's chambers up, they made sure to give her the topmost rooms, for they were not accustomed to dwelling deep within mountains. The fact that she is always looking at the distance must mean that a part of her misses being free. But as she closed her eyes, she willed her mind to imagine -no, remember, what it was like to be in the dwarf king's arms. Was it more satisfying than riding a dragon in the middle of the night, the cool midnight air numbing her senses? Was it worth giving up her life of adventure just to stay by his side?

It may have been that way once, but it can never he the same again... not for them.

Helga took the petrified dragon egg and cuddled it, pressing her ear towards the shell, hoping to hear something -anything. She sighed and closed her eyes, disappointed once more. That was until she felt the faintest of thumps from within the shell, and her eyes snapped open. She sat up and looked at the egg beside her, her eyes wide as she awaited for another thump from within the egg. Immediately, she shrugged on a robe and grabbed the egg, running to her cousins' quarters. She didn't care who saw her that day, but it was urgent, and she cannot wait.

The egg would be hatching soon.

-~•~-

The wedding was a day to remember.

It was a day when two cultures and two races untied together -it was a symbol of peace and prosperity for the days to come. There was a little bit of both during the ceremony. Sigrid, who was of the race of Men, had her hair and dress littered with jewels -Sapphires and diamonds to match her eyes, her elegance, and as a symbol that she was a female that is about to be added to the line of Durin. Fili's outfit was completely dwarven, however, he had a flower on his breast pocket. It wad the same white and baby blue flower that was in Sigrid's boquet and that was decorated in the hall. In a dwarven wedding, the hall would be littered with rich colored cloth and jewels, depending on the couple's preference. However, this was no ordinary dwarven wedding, and incorporated the tradition of flowers from the race of Men. For their vows, it was completely in reverse. Fili said his wedding vows in the Common Tongue, while Sigrid, who was given special permission, surprised everyone, even Fili, when she spoke her wedding vows in Khuzdul. This made Fili smile at his betrothed with pride, and he could not wait for the ceremony to end.

That day, Sigrid, daughter of King Bard and a Princess of Dale, was declared as the wife and the Princess of Fili, Prince of Erebor. It was a historical day in Middle Earth, and a ceremony this important deserved a grand feast.

Barrels of the finest wine, ale, and mead were brought out, the flow of food was constant, and the music was merry. There was never such a merry occasion ever since the reclaiming of Erebor. There were dancers on the floor, the light illuminated the whole room in a warm and merry way, and everyone was, simply put it, happy. Thorin, who was done with feasting, went in front of the newly weds to present a gift.

"Prince Fili and Princess Sigrid," He said, and the noise died down. "I bestow to the both of you gifts, to congratulate the both of you and to wish you a good and long marriage." He said, and he took one gift from a servant, and handed it to them.

"For Princess Sigrid, a book of Healing, for your studies of becoming a healer. May this be of help to you, and may you be of help to us in the future." He said, handing the book to Sigrid, which she took. She was smiling ear to ear as she looked at the book.

"I cannot thank you enough, Your Majesty. This is a rare book. Only one or two copies of this is found in the whole of Middle Earth!" She said, her voice full of awe.

"Then it is a good thing that a lady that is as fair and as intelligent as you owns one of the two copies." Thorin said with a small smile. He then took the other gift, and handed it to Fili.

"My lad, the moment you took your vows, not only did you swear to love and be with your wife, but to protect her and the children that you will eventually bear. May this be a symbol of that vow and may you always honor that vow." Thorin said. Fili took the gift that was wrapped in velvet with two hands. He laid it on the table and untied it, revealing a sword and a scabbard made of pure Mithril, a few gems that represented loyalty, bravery, and the Line of Durin encrusted on the hilt of the sword.

"Uncle, it is beautiful," He said, his jaw hanging. "Thank you." He said, looking at his uncle and his eyes saying everything that he needed to say.

"That is not all," Thorin said, reaching for his pocket and bringing out a pouch and two rolled pieces of parchment, with a blue ribbon and the seal of Durin on it. "This was from your mother, Dis. She told me to give it to you on the day that you got married." He said, and he handed both parchments to Sigrid and Fili, and placed the pouch on their table. They both read the letter, tears forming in their eyes, and Fili opened the pouch and brought out its contents.

"Mother and father's rings." Fili said, and he looked up at Thorin, who was also slightly smiling. Fili smiler and nodded once more, before Thorin turned his back to the Prince, in search of his Queen. He found her by the balcony, leaning and watching the festivities.

"Would you not join me, My Queen?" Thorin asked her, and Tamara smiled and shook her head.

"This is too big a feast for me, My King," Tamara said, taking Thorin's hand. "But perhaps you would like some fresh air?" Thorin nodded and lead his wife out towards the balcony, where the night air nipped at their skins. As they reached the raillings, Tamara looked int the distance, a pensive look on her face.

"Tell me, what bothers you so?" Thorin asked, and Tamara smiled sadly.

"Have you ever felt like you were destined for something else, Thorin?" Tamara asked, and Thorin looked at her, a question in his eyes.

"What do you mean?"

"I have been born into this world in a noble family, yet I feel like I was not meant to become a noble, much less a queen." Tamara said, and Thorin held her hand a bit tighter.

"Do you wish for an... annulment?" He ask, and hi ls voice betrayed his face; he was scared of the thought.

"And leave you alone? Who'll be left to pick up the pieces? As having another woman gone in your life is the next thing you'll need," Tamara joked, and Thorin let out a relieved sigh. "But the world is so vast and beautiful that sometimes, I feel the need to see it and experience it." Tamara said longingly. The both of them fell silent, after that small confession. Thorin was about to speak up when Bofur's voice interrupted him.

"Your Majesty." They heard, and they turmed to see Bofur his hat in his hands and a worried look on his face.

"What is it, Bofur?" Thorin asked and Bofur looked at him in the eye.

"It's Helga and her family, Your Majesty -no one's seen them for the whole day and there's nobody in their room."

-~•~-

Thorin, Tamara, and Bofur quickly made their way to the room of the Dragon Riders, and they found that it was, indeed, empty. By the state of the room, everything was hastily packed, and they left nothing behind -except for a note.

 _Thorin,_

 _We apologize for the abrupt departure, but Helga has made her choice. Thank you for everything._

 _Hosue_

Tamara read the short note, and looked at Thorin questioningly.

"What does he mean that Helga made her choice?" She asked, and they both jumped when a voice spoke behind them.

"It means that our dear Helga has made the decision to fulfill her destiny, rather than continuing on this headless goose chase of piecing her life altogether." The King and Queen turned around to see a tall, old man standing behind them. Thorin was torn between the desire to hug Gandalf from their long separation and wanting to strangle to old man for not doing anything to stop Helga. Tamara took this as her chance to leave Gandalf and her husband to talk, and left silently.

"I suppose you want to ask why I did not stop her, then." Gandalf said, going to the dying embers of the fire place. As he went near, the embers started to go back to life until it was a steady flame.

"Where did she go, Gandalf?" Thorin asked, clutching the note in hand.

"Will it matter if I tell you?" Gandalf asked. "The same thing that stopped you from completely running back to her will be the same thing that will stop you from going after her." Gandalf explained, sitting down on a chair and pulling out a pipe.

"Fear?" Thorin asked, and Gandalf pointedly looked at Thorin.

"Duty, Thorin. Duty to your wife and to your kingdom is what stopped your love for Helga, and now, not only will you have your duty to your kingdom to anchor you down on the Lonely Mountain, but Helga's duty as well," Gandalf said, sparking a flame for his pipe. "You see, Helga Skyrunner was not supposed to fall in love with you... Well, not yet, I think." Gandalf said thoughtfully.

"What does that mean? That we were a- what, a wrinkle in the gods' destiny?"

"What I am saying, Thorin, that the gods did not expect love to become more powerful than them," Gandalf said. "I am not entirely sure if you and Helga Skyrunner were destined to be together. You are destined to meet, but there is no say on love. You and Helga's fates coming across each other were important for the fate of Middle Earth. Without Helga, Smaug would not have been slain and without you, Helga would not have died, met Bathala, and known her purpose."

"She is to restore her race." Thorin concluded, and Gandalf nodded. Thorin stared into nothing, brows furrowed in a mix of pain and confusion. He slumped back on a nearby chair and exhaled loudly, closing his eyes. Both of them sat in silence until Thorin let out a bitter laugh.

"You made my love for her sound so fake -like it wasn't true at all and it was just part of destiny and fate." He said, and Gandalf's eyebrow rose.

"Do not doubt your love for Helga, Thorin. It was very real -I saw it myself. Maybe you just feel that way because you are torn between trying to become a good husband for Tamara, and the love for Helga that you've buried deep in your heart." Thorin said nothing, which confirmed Gandalf's thoughts...

...and the doubts of a dwarf queen, who was just standing outside of their room.

* * *

 **I know! VERY OVERDUE! I don't even know if people still read this, but I still write this for the sake of finishing it. Anyways, I am sorry. I just entered Senior High in a bigger, more prestigious school, and I experienced, what one may call, a quarter long culture shock. But I'm over it, I'm adapting, and I found the time to finish this chapter! YAY!**

 **You know the drill, guys! Tell me what you think about this! I've been wanting to write this Gandalf chapter ever since because I just love Gandalf's character -he meddles into peoples' lives and fates so much.**

 **Anyways, thanks for sticking with me!**

 **~Gabrielle**


	16. Chapter 16

Gandalf was gone the next day, saying that he has answered everything he could. He said that it was time for fate to just do it's work without his meddling. A week after the wedding of Prince Fili and Princess Sigrid, a coronation was held. Nobody knew why, but King Thorin stepped down from the throne, and passed it on to the young dwarven prince. Rumor has it that King Thorin was ill; some said that he was tired and wanted to enjoy his newfound love with his wife; and few speculated that it had something to do with the wizard. In the history of Middle Earth, he was, by far, the youngest king to ever give his throne up, and everyone, including the race of Men and Elves, questioned why he would give up something he fought so hard for.

"I am not giving it up," Thorin said to Balin. "I am merely passing it down to the next generation." Which is, of course, a lie. Balin knew that Thorin was still fully capable of running the throne, and it was too soon for him to pass it on to the next generation. He suspected something was off, and he wilk investigate further on this matter.

However, Balin will not be prepared for the days to follow, for dark events will follow Thorin Oakenshield's

Ten Years Later...

Thorin felt warm. He knew that there was a body next to him, and his eyelids fluttered open. He saw the golden hair and the bare shoulder of his sleeping wife and smiled. He wrapped his arm tighter around her waist and brought her closer to him. He started to softly kiss his wife's shoulders, nuzzling her neck as she stirred lightly. Thorin smirked into his wife's skin and kissed his way to her neck, lightly biting the skin as he pressed his hips on her behind.

"Someone's up early." He heard his wife mumble, and he smiled as she turned to lie on her back. Now, he was above her, looking into her sleepy brown eyes.

"Good morning, my love." He said, pecking her lips and his lips travelling from her cheek to the juncture of her neck and shoulder. His wife, slightly ticklish, laughed and lightly pushed him.

"Thorin, stop!" She exclaimed, as they both laughed. He closed his eyes and leaned his forehead on hers, a serene smile on his face.

"I've missed you, Helga." He said, and he felt Helga lightly kiss his lips.

"I know." She said, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him down for a kiss, that became two, then three, until they were unaware for how long they were kissing.

"I love you so much, Thorin." Helga said, breathless. He couldn't take it anymore. He loved her so much and he wanted to show her --to make her feel it.

"I'll come back for you, my love."

~•~

Thorin woke up with a jolt in his bed. He had been having these kinds of dreams for the past month, and it was nothing but torture for the former king. His hand searched for the warm body that usually lay on the other side of his bed, but that side of the bed was cold. He signed at the predicament that he was in and got up from bed.

After taking a cold bath, he went to his wardrobe and picked out a dark blue doublet. However, as he turned around, a black outfit was laid out on his bed.

Oh right, He thought. He set aside the current outfit he had and wore the black one. He headed out to the dining room, where he sat all by himself. He remembered a time when this dining room used to be full -- his nephews laughing on his side, Balin and Dwalin with them, his wife dining silently by his side, a brooding dragon rider and his outgoing brother on his, and the most beautiful woman in Arda sitting on the other side of the table. But that was ten years ago, when things were better...

But was it really better?

He and his wife didn't really love each other; his youngest nephew had a forbidden love; the skulking brother hated him; and the woman that he loved --still loves, had no idea who he was.

Maybe this was better for all of them. Kili was now travelling around Middle Earth with Tauriel, Fili was successful in ruling Erebor, the dragon riders have probably been successful in their mission right now, and his wife...

His wife was in a better place now.

Once breakfast was done, he went on a familiar walk past the dungeons into a dimly lit room with a stone casket. Except this time, it was not the love of his life burried there, but his wife. He spent some time there, skulking about his life and wishing that Tamara was here to give him words of encouragement.

"How did my life turn out like this?" He asked himself, laughing at himself. Once he was done with his daily visit to the tombs, he walked around Erebor until he wound up on the balcony that overlooked Dale. He looked into the south, thinking if a woman with golden hair was looking into the north, thinking about the same thing he did.

~•~

In truth, it wasn't.

Helga was crouched on a rock on top of a cliff that overlooked her own small tribe, pondering on the safety and protection of her own. It's been ten years since she was brought to the cave her cousin talked about, but it felt like centuries.

Immediately, they set up camp nearby, and with their bare hands, they built a wall around their camp. They'd take in orphans, widows, widowers, sons and daughters who've been disosned, men and women who'd seem to have lost their way in life --people who long to care and be cared for. Together, they restored the petrified dragon eggs. They were taught how to pick an egg of your own by listening to their own souls. The eggs they chose were placed over a fire for a week, until it started to move, and hatch. The dragons that they had was the dragon that they were going to keep for life, and their dragons' children will be their childrens' dragins, too, and so on until the world is no more. Because they have chosen their own dragons with their soul, they have formed a special bond --a soul bond.

Their dragons grew and ten years later, they were trained for travelling, their tribe was getting bigger, and soon enough, the Dragon Riders' small tribe won't be a secret anymore. Their settlment may have been set up on a part of the mountain range that was hidden, but the way that these dragons are growing, they can't stay cooped up in their tribe forever. They have to learn how to fly, and that means roaming around the skies, where people can see.

"If you think any more deeply, you're going to fall off," Malkus said, sitting beside her. "Tell me what troubles you, cousin." He said.

"It's the safety of our tribe," Helga said, "These dragons wont be staying in that size forever."

"I am with you at that," Malkus said, sitting beside his cousin. "But I think that it is also time for us to start making allies."

"Allies with whom?!" Helga asked, scoffing. "The first thing that Kings would do if they heard the word 'dragon' is to chain us up or find a way to manipulate us to their liking." Helga explained, rolling her eyes. Their conversation was interrupted by a crash below them. Their heads snapped towards the direction of the crash and found a man lying on his backside, scratching his head. He accidentally tripped on a pile of armor that the owner was making. The man was apologizing to the owner, then looked up to her, froze, and tried to recover by shrugging his shoulders and waving at her.

"That man --who is he?" Helga asked, her eyes following the clumsy man.

"Oh, him?" Malkus asked, his focus on the man who started to scamper away. "Actually, I don't know his name. Although I've seen him around. He's one of our blacksmiths. Young he may be, but he shows great skill."

"A pretty clumsy blacksmith, if you ask me." Helga said.

"Anyways, as I was saying. I think that it's time to make some allies." Malkus said, and Helga sighed.

"Alright. If you're so keen, give me a name of a monarch who even try to consider making an alliance with us."

"Oh, I could think of one, alright." Malkus said, his hands clasped on his back and a smug smirk on his face. He let Helga try to process everything and her back shot up and she turned to look at him.

"Him?!" Helga asked, and Malkus raised a brow.

"Him."

"But Hosue hated him!"

"Because he was preventing you from starting your mission."

"And now?"

"You need him to complete your mission."

"Malkus, I cannot face him." Helga said, standing up and heading back to her tent. Malkus followed her to her inside, amd he saw scattered pieces of sketches of, what seemed to be The Company. Malkus walked to her desk and saw various sketches of Laketown, what seemed to be a door under a hill, and the face of the Dwarven king.

"You cannot face him, or won't?" Malkus asked, picking up the sketch.

"What are you doing in here? Who told you you could be in here?!" Helga exclaimed, marching towards him and snatching the sketch from him. She started gathering the rest, arranging them and stowing them away in her chest.

"Helga, it's been ten years, now, and you barely know him," Malkus sighed. "I'm starting to see Hosue's point in all of this, now."

"No, it you who barely knew him," Helga said, her voice low. "I once knew him. I once loved him. It just so happened that I didn't remember anything of him the moment I came back." Once she shut the chest close, she looked at Malkus, a sad smile on her face. "I remember everything now, Malkus --every single thing."

"That's good, now, isn't it?" Malkus asked, sitting beside Helga who covered her face. It wasn't until he went near her did he realize that she was crying.

"I remembered how much I loved him, Malkus --how I felt when I died for him. And I still love him, Malkus, but it's too late. Everything is too late." Helga sobbed into her cousin's shoulder.

"Helga, it would never be too late for you. You have a whole world to explore, and more people to meet. He's not the only male left in the whole of Arda." Malkus said, and Helga looked up at him, red rimmed eyes.

"But he's one of the very few that I'm willing to die for," She softly said, tears streaming down her face. "It's all my fault!"

"Helga, do not do this to yourself."

"If I didn't have that stupid death wish, then I would've tried to stay alive for him! I was a stupid, selfish woman who left the only man who loved me when I was alone." Helga cried, clutching at Malkus' arm.

"It was all fate, Helga, not you. Never call yourself selfish for missing your family." Malkus said, rocking her softly.

"Why me, Malkus? Why would Bathala do all of this to me? I cannot do this anymore, Malkus! I know nothing of leading a tribe." She said, and Malkus grabbed the side of her face, looking at her avoidant eyes.

"Look at me, Helga." He said, and she tried to avoid his stare. "Look at me." He said, this time firmer. "You were chosen for a reason, and that reason is because you are a survivor. You made it out alive from Smaug and Thranduil without any help, and you've lived your years alone. Then you proved to Bathala that despite of all of those years of survival --of keeping yourself alive, you were willing to give it up for something as worthy as love. He chose you for that, and do not doubt his choice. He believed that you'll be the one who can bring back our race the same way that you did, and make it survive, just like you did." He looked at Helga, who stopped crying, and started to take in measured breaths. She curled up into his arms, shaking as he rubbed her back.

"Malkus, I can't do this alone."

"You won't. You'll have me and Hosue with you, as well as Amren and Alvor," He said into her hair. "You don't have to be alone anymore."


	17. Chapter 17

Helga forgot the last time she drank this much.

After her breakdown with her cousin, she ran out of her tribe and went to the nearest village. She drank, got into a fist fight, and went home, just like the old days. However, this time, home wasn't in a lover's arms in a home that wasn't hers, or a tree in the middlw of a forest. This time, home was a place where her family was sleeping, where people looked up to her for their future and the future of a whole race. One was sad, and one pressured her too much, and Helga didn't know which frightened her most.

The wooden gates opened for her, and she got down on her horse and all but fell from it. She looked at the flights of stairs that she had to climb just to get to her tent. She groaned and walked with no direction, stumbling here and there. That was until her last stumble, which lead her straight into someone else's tent.

"Dear Eru! What on Arda-" Was the startled voice of a man. "Chieftan Helga! Why-What are you doing here?" He asked. Helga squinted her eyes and looked at the man, and she recognized him.

"What are you doing with your tent open?" She asked, and the man helped her up.

"You're drunk." He stated as he put her arm around him and hoisted her up.

"No I'm not." She whined.

"You are. I know the smell." The man said, and he tried to carry her out of his tent, but she held on to his collar and rest her forehead on her neck.

"Please don't make me climb all those steps." Helga murmured into his collarbone, and he froze when he felt the chieftan's lips on his skin. He closed his eyes and took a measured breath in.

"She's drunk and doesn't know you. This doesn't mean anything, Altair." He told himself. He swept her off of her feet, carried her bridal style, and walked towards the direction of her tent.

"So that's your name." She mumbled, her eyes half open.

"I didn't take you for a drunkard, your Highness." He said, and she giggled.

"You don't have to call me that. I'm not a queen, nor will I ever be" Helga said, and stroked the side of his cheekbone. They were sharp, and it suited his lean figure and blue eyes. "Helga would do just fine." She said.

"You're pretty gorgeous up close." She said, and Altair smiled.

"I am flattered, Lady Helga, but sad to say, you would not be remembering most of this in the morning." He said as he started to climb the steps towards Helga's tent.

"Not if you're beside me first thing in the morning." Helga giggled, but Altair only smirked.

"It is tempting, Lady Helga, but we both know that you do not mean that." Altair said, finally reaching the top. He carried her inside and laid her down on her bed. There were lit candles inside, so he had no trouble moving inside her tent. However, the moment he laid her down, her hand grabbed her collar and pulled him down with her, pressing her lips to his.

"Please do not leave me alone," She said, this time, barely a I whisper. "I don't want to be alone tonight." She said, pressing her lips once more to his, and ot took Altair all of his will power to lightly push her away.

"Lady Helga, please stop." He said, and Helga backed off and sat down on her bed. She rested her head on her hands, and laid her elbows on her knees, sighing. Altair moved in front of her. He took her hands in his and tilted her chin up to look at qhim.

"I am a complete idiot." She mumbled, looking down.

"Helga, you are not. You are just drunk, that's all," Altair said. "I-... I have feelings for you, Lady Helga. You are strong, beautiful, and I greatly look up to you. You took me in your tribe when nobody else had, and I am forever in your debt for that. But just because I feel thos way towards you, doesn't mean that I will take advantage of your drunken state. I was raised to be better than that, and you deserve more than a drunken tumble. You deserve roses and candlelight and... love." He said, and when he looked at her, she was looking at him with an unreadable look on her face. What shocked him was that she leaned forward and softly kissed him. His lips were thin, and he was gentle with her, unlike the last time she was kissed.

Once they parted, Altair helped her settle down to sleep. He rummaged through her chest to look for herbs that can help with her nausea tomorrow, when she saw a pile of drawings. They were beautiful and detailed. However, as he looked through the stack, he could not help but notice that most of them were the face of a bearded man. His face was serious and demanded respect, and Altair could sense a bit of royalty in the picture. He felt a pang of jealousy hit him. To think that this man was so important that he was often in Helga's mind.

But where was he, now that she needed somebody?

"Thorin," He heard the chieftan mumble in her sleep. He looked back at the man on the drawing, figuring that this must be him. "Never leave me alone again." She whined. Altair sighed and placed the drawing back on the chest.

With one last look at his Chieftain, he blew out the candles in her tent and left.

~•~

Helga greeted the morning with a frown and a splitting headache. She groaned as she rolled out of bed, ending up splayed on the ground. The light streamed through her tent flap, and she shut her eyes.

"Oh, Bathala... I'm dying." She rasped, and she heard chuckling.

"Well, close, but no... you're not," She heard, and her eyes snapped open. Standing at the entrance to her tent was a man, and his voice sounded familliar. "If you do not remember me, I am not surprised. You were drunk enough to crash into my tent and babble nonesense."

"I am sorry," Helga said, trying to sit up while putting pressure on her forehead. "Who are you again?"

"I am Altair, the tribe's blacksmith." He said, placing a tray that he was holding on a table.

"Are you not a bit lean for a blacksmith?" Helga commented, slowly standing up and walking carefully to the tray.

"I am, but does not make me any less skilled." He said, flashing her a smile. Helga sat down on the chair a d placed her head in her hands.

"Eru, what did I do last night?" Helga mumbled, and she took a piece of bread and started munching on it.

"I would leave you to it, then." Altair said, bowing and leaving Helga to recover with her headache.

~•~

The next they met was in the Farm, where all of the dragons were being kept. It was dark out, and Altair was visiting his dragon. It was suggested that in order for a dragon and it's rider to have a string bond, one must see each other everyday. Altair came in everyday to feed his dragon and take in measurements for a saddle that he was designing. He was sitting beside his dragon, with her head resting by his legs, when he heard strong flapping of wings from outside. The door opened and in came Helga with her dragon, as black as the night. She stopped in her tracks when her dragon rushed to his, and they started to chase each other in circles outside the field. Helga smiled at them and walked towards the doorway of the Farm.

"Never thought I'd be seeing something like this again." Helga said, leaning on the doorway. Altair had stood up and stood beside her.

"I didn't know why I was afraid of them in the first place." Altair said, and Helga crossed her arms.

"Do you know of the story of the dragons, Altair? Before you came here?" Helga asked, her eyes still on the two dragons.

"I only heard legends about them. It was said that they were servants of Melkor, for if they rode his beasts, they were beasts as well." Altair said, and Helga smirked and looked at him.

"That is partly true, but there is a part of the story that people do not know," Helga said. "Dragons are misunderstood creatures, created by Bathala. It was Melkor who first corrupted dragons, and Sauron who continued his master's legacy. What they did was beyond disgusting and insulting to our race." Helga explained.

"If the other kingdoms could see what we have now, -"

"They would rally together just to obliterate what is left of us."

"How about the dwarves?" Altair asked.

"Especially the dwarves," Helga said, the tone of her voice changing. "But at this point, I am desperate and we will be in need of allies. Our tribe is growing, and so are our dragons. We cannot keep them hidden much longer, and we would soon have to make ourselves known. Having one kingdom behind iur back when that time comes wouldn't hurt." Helga said.

"What are your plans, Chieftan?" Altair asked, and Helga looked distant.

"We would have to visit an old acquaintance of mine."

~•~

The dwarf king was miles away from where the Dragon Chieftain was. He was on the other side of the continent, taking a leisurely walk around what used to be his kingdom, with a quill and a piece of parchment in hand. He took in everything around him --the sound of the furnaces deep in the mountain, keeping the place alive, the crickets from outside, and the soft breeze. He smiled to himself and knew now what to write.

 _Dear Tamara,_ _I have been strolling around the kingdom tonight, and just like you said, it still feels so alive. I can feel the rumble and ear the furnaces deep in the mountain. The Arkenstone be damned, those furnaces are the true heart of the mountain._

Thorin sat down on a stone bench and placed the parchment on his lap.

 _I miss you, Tamara. It still feels so lonely without you. I miss your guidance and your warm heart. Despite us desperately trying and failing to find any romantic love towards one another, I sometimes find myself missing the warmth of your body. I still find it difficult waking up to a cold bed._

Thorin smiled at that. He can imagine Tamara coming up with a smart response, like _Then you should sleep near the furnace, so you wouldn't have to be so cold._

 _I hope that you are happy, wherever you are._ _Love,_ _Thorin_

He looked up at the sky once more and smirked.

 _P.S. Everybody still thinks that you are dead_.

~•~

 **A/N: Hi guys! I would just like to say that we are nearing the end of this story! We have around five to six chapters left and an epilogue before we can call this a true end to the story of Helga and Thorin. Is there any reason behind this abrupt ending? No. I'm not rushing anything or out of time, like the previous story. Everything is going according to plan, and honestly, it might be hard to say goodbye. Although, I might make an alternate universe story where there's a Dark!Helga and it wad set during the time of LotR.** **What do you think?**


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